I've been a naughty boy, bigbird.
 

As promised previously on this very newsgroup, I used dirty words and
filthy language on CB while I was up in Toronto yesterday.

It is with some regret that I note no mention of my repeated use of the
phrase, "goat-felching cum slut" over Toronto's 11m airwaves. This
catchy, family-oriented slogan had been tailored specifically for your
appreciation and logging activities, bigbird, and mere words are
unsuitable for conveying my disappointment at the lack of a QSO, let
alone a QSL.

My border crossing at Niagara Falls was uneventful. Perhaps Industry
Canada was short-staffed this weekend and unable to forward your
complaints to the appropriate authorities on either side of the border
in a timely manner. Perhaps you were sleeping off the stupor that I
imagine one's body would be in after a weekend of sexual debauchery with
farmyard poultry and could not contact them. I just don't know.

But what is evident, bigbird, is that I remain a scofflaw. A ruffian of
radio, the mischievous Marconi of the Citizens' Band. Swooping down
upon you from the ionosphere without warning, causing apoplexy when you
switch on the radio.

And I shall truly remain so, now and evermore.

Yours,

- J.