O.T. Actual airline pilot conversations
 

Here are some conversations that airline passengers normally
will never hear. The following are accounts of actual exchanges
between airline pilots and control towers around the world.

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"

Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We ... have digital watches!"
================================================== ==========

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."

"Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
================================================== ==========
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue:
"I'm bored!"

Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify
yourself immediately!"

Unknown aircraft: "I said I was bored, not stupid!"
================================================== ==========
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic
is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."

United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've
got the little Fokker in sight."
================================================== ==========
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While
attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What
was your last known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
================================================== ==========
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly
long roll out after touching down.

San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right
turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If
you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101,
make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
================================================== ==========

There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority
landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running
"a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that
he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.

"Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine
approach."
================================================== ==========

Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around
and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took
off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly,
was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,"
explained the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new
pilot."
================================================== ==========

A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich
overheard the following:

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance
time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in
English."

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane,
in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
"Because you lost the bloody war."
================================================== ==========

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure
on frequency 124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the
way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the
far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,
contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report
from Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger;
and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."

================================================== ========

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to
hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8
landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the
Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on
the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you
make it all by yourself?"

The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came
back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another
landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
================================================== ==========

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US
Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and
came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground
controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771,
where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto
Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there.
I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and
D, but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed
crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed
everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay
right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect
progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want
you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I
tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground
control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the
verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging
the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in
every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.
Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his
microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

Thanks...

Thats maybe the 4th time this year I've seen those... just for those of
us who dont know how to google..

Dave

Craig Lewis wrote:
Here are some conversations that airline passengers normally
will never hear. The following are accounts of actual exchanges
between airline pilots and control towers around the world.

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"

Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We ... have digital watches!"
================================================== ==========

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."

"Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
================================================== ==========
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue:
"I'm bored!"

Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify
yourself immediately!"

Unknown aircraft: "I said I was bored, not stupid!"
================================================== ==========
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic
is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."

United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've
got the little Fokker in sight."
================================================== ==========
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While
attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What
was your last known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
================================================== ==========
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly
long roll out after touching down.

San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right
turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If
you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101,
make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
================================================== ==========

There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority
landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running
"a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that
he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.

"Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine
approach."
================================================== ==========

Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around
and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took
off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly,
was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,"
explained the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new
pilot."
================================================== ==========

A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich
overheard the following:

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance
time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in
English."

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane,
in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
"Because you lost the bloody war."
================================================== ==========

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure
on frequency 124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the
way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the
far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,
contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report
from Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger;
and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."

================================================== ========

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to
hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8
landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the
Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on
the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you
make it all by yourself?"

The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came
back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another
landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
================================================== ==========

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US
Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and
came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground
controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771,
where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto
Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there.
I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and
D, but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed
crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed
everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay
right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect
progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want
you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I
tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground
control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the
verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging
the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in
every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.
Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his
microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

On Mon, 15 Nov 2004 03:53:20 GMT, Dave S
wrote:

Thanks...

Thats maybe the 4th time this year I've seen those... just for those of
us who dont know how to google..

Dave

And do you have any sort of awards for top-posting idiots who can't be
bothered to trim their quotes?

"Dave S" wrote in message
hlink.net...
Thanks...

Thats maybe the 4th time this year I've seen those... just for those of
us who dont know how to google..

That's the 18th time this year I've seen that retort...just for those who DO
know HOW to Google...but don't.


--
Matt
---------------------
Matthew W. Barrow
Site-Fill Homes, LLC.
Montrose, CO

Thanks!
This is the first time I've seen them.
I enjoyed it.
Please feel free to post!

LMAO...Thanks these were really funny. Mind if I use some of these in my
next trek ?
Especially the one about irate controller. Some big airports hate small
crafts buzzing into their routine and have a habit of being dry with us
amateur pilots.
Thanks for sharing.

"Craig Lewis" wrote in message
...
Here are some conversations that airline passengers normally
will never hear. The following are accounts of actual exchanges
between airline pilots and control towers around the world.

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"

Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We ... have digital watches!"
================================================== ==========

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."

"Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
================================================== ==========
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue:
"I'm bored!"

Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify
yourself immediately!"

Unknown aircraft: "I said I was bored, not stupid!"
================================================== ==========
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic
is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."

United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've
got the little Fokker in sight."
================================================== ==========
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While
attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What
was your last known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
================================================== ==========
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly
long roll out after touching down.

San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right
turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If
you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101,
make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
================================================== ==========

There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority
landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running
"a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that
he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.

"Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine
approach."
================================================== ==========

Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around
and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took
off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly,
was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,"
explained the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new
pilot."
================================================== ==========

A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich
overheard the following:

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance
time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in
English."

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane,
in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
"Because you lost the bloody war."
================================================== ==========

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure
on frequency 124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the
way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the
far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,
contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report
from Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger;
and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."

================================================== ========

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to
hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8
landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the
Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on
the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you
make it all by yourself?"

The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came
back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another
landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
================================================== ==========

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US
Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and
came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground
controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771,
where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto
Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there.
I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and
D, but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed
crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed
everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay
right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect
progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want
you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I
tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground
control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the
verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging
the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in
every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.
Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his
microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

Craig Lewis wrote in message ...

Here are some conversations that airline passengers normally
will never hear. The following are accounts of actual exchanges
between airline pilots and control towers around the world.

Old but still funny. Lest anybody be fooled, however, these are NOT
"actual exchanges between airline pilots and control towers around the
world". They are fictional.

Nope.. actually I dont. Thanks for asking though.

Dave


Bob Ward wrote:

On Mon, 15 Nov 2004 03:53:20 GMT, Dave S
wrote:


Thanks...

Thats maybe the 4th time this year I've seen those... just for those of
us who dont know how to google..

Dave


And do you have any sort of awards for top-posting idiots who can't be
bothered to trim their quotes?

Bob,

That brings up a question you might be able to answer for me. I've never
understood why top posting is seen as such an evil thing. What am I
missing?

Cheers,
Shawn
"Bob Ward" wrote in message
...
On Mon, 15 Nov 2004 03:53:20 GMT, Dave S
wrote:

Thanks...

Thats maybe the 4th time this year I've seen those... just for those of
us who dont know how to google..

Dave

And do you have any sort of awards for top-posting idiots who can't be
bothered to trim their quotes?

ShawnD2112 wrote on 11/15/2004 22:47:

I've never
understood why top posting is seen as such an evil thing. What am I
missing?

A: No.
Q: Should I include quotations after my reply?

Or, in other words, top-posting reverses the normal flow of reading.

-Joe