SPECIAL: Parting Thoughts (with Love) from George Carlin
 

At the end of days of interviews, I asked Carlin what he imagined heaven
would look like, and he gave an answer that was appropriate considering
his TV had been turned on the entire weekend to Headline News. To the
end, Carlin loved being in touch with the big world around him.

"The best afterlife for me would be to be able to sit comfortably and
watch the world on a kind of heavenly CNN," he said. "To be able to have
my remote and say, 'Okay, there's an uprising in Spain. Let's watch
that. Or to watch China finally take over the ****ing world. Because
there's a billion of those mother****ers and they're going to eat our
lunch. I would love to get the thousand-year view on the decline of the
European birthrate or the "Muslimization" of Europe that's talking
place; the explosion of Latin American culture in the western part of
the United States.' Just sit back and watch. India and Pakistan, both,
have nuclear weapons and they ****in' hate each other. I'm telling you,
somebody is going to **** somebody's sister and an atom bomb is going to
fly. And I say fine. You know? I just like the show. This world is a big
theater in the round, as far as I'm concerned, and I'd just love
watching it spin itself into oblivion. Tune in and watch the human
adventure. It's a cursed, doomed species but it's just interesting as
hell. That's what I want heaven to be. And if it's not like that, then
**** it. I'll just kill myself."

Since we were on the subject, I thought I'd ask what he'd like his
tombstone to say. Carlin didn't miss a beat.

"I'm thinking something along the lines of, "Jeez, he was just here a
minute ago."

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