Saturday Follies (Nigerian E-Mail Asso.
 

Believe it...people have made fortunes with the Nigeria e-mail scams and its
variations. And greedy people continue to keep falling for it..they deserve
to get screwed for being such idiots they are.




"Burr" wrote in message
...
The 3rd Annual Nigerian
EMail Conference
"Write better emails. Make more moneys."

I am Mr. Laurent Mpeti Kabila, a senior assistant leader of the
Revolutionary United Front of Sierra Leone.

I present to you an urgent and confidential request: I request your
attendance at The 3rd Annual Nigerian EMail Conference. This is an
excellent opportunity to meet your distinguished colleagues, learn new
marketing techniques, and spend your hard-earned money. Attending this
conference demands the highest trust, security and confidentiality
between us.


Dates: November 7 - 9, 2003
Location: Abuja Sheraton Hotel & Casino
Registration Fee: $995 per person

Like most Nigerians, you're probably finding that it's increasingly
difficult to earn a decent living from email. That's why you need to
attend the 3rd Annual Nigerian EMail Conference.

"This conference is an investment in your future. Learn to take
advantage of modern technology, and make a great deal of money with very
little effort. If you have any question, please contact me and I will
send you a proposal that may be of interest to you. I await your
response by return while assuring you that the transaction is absolutely
risk free."

- Dr. Collins Mbadiwe
Preliminary* List of Events

As in the past, this conference
has something for everyone.
You will hear presentations by
some of the world's leading
Nigerian Email businessmen
and businesswomen.

Following are just a few of the
many events that are scheduled.

*

Breakfast Kickoff Session:
Your choice: A hard boiled egg, or two slices of white bread and
a cricket.
*

Keynote Address:
Dr. Hamza Kalu's adds some historical perspective in his keynote
address: "From Postal Scams To Email Scams: We Have Come a Long Way
Infant Child."
*

Debate:
Attend a lively debate between Lady Mariam Abacha and Mr. Godwin
Oyathelem. Topic: "The effectiveness of using all UPPERCASE characters."
*

Practical Discussion:
Mallam Mahmud Abacah answers the question, "Are 10 million emails
a day too many?"
*

Competition:
Other countries are now adapting our business. Is this a threat
or an opportunity?
*

Tech Session:
Mrs. M Sese-Seko reveals valuable secrets in her session titled,
"Those Pesky Email Headers"
*

Commerce:
Find out how banking systems throughout the world operate -- with
special emphasis on money transfers.
*

Linguistics:
Damn, spam, scam, sham. And more rhymes in the "sticks and
stones" category.
*

Telecommunications:
Soliciting via cell phone text messaging: Can it work?
*

Accounting:
The taxman he's a comin': Keeping good and accurate records.
*

Open Discussion:
We will resume last year's high-spirited discussion of
unionization, including health benefits.
*

Workshop:
Grammatical errors: What's the optimal number?
*

Statistics:
Dr. Kayode Naiyeju presents his ground-breaking research:
"Analyzing response rates using analysis of variance: That pesky
R-squared value," as published in The Nigerian Journal of Applied
Statistics.
*

Economics:
A round table discussion: Is email now Nigeria's top export?
*

For Newcomers:
View an entertaining PowerPoint presentation that describes how
to get started in this lucrative business, with no initial investment!
*

Hand-on Session:
Experts critique your emails, and offer valuable tips.

* The actual schedule of events and participants depends on various
trial outcomes and extradition hearings.

Accommodations

The Abuja Sheraton Hotel is an elegant 5-star hotel in the heart of the
new capital of Nigeria. For more information, click here. Only 575 rooms
are available, so make sure you register early!

Amenities* include a bar, a barber shop, running water (hot AND cold),
free parking, and a free newspaper (except for weekends).

Imagine yourself sitting in this modern conference room, surrounded by
enterprising businessmen like yourself.

Spouses are invited, although they may not attend the conference
sessions. Spouses must spend the day in their hotel room watching TV
(two channels are available, and one is not cartoons).

* Restrooms are available in the hotel. Please use them.
From Past Conferences...

*

"My business has increased by 45%, and I am now experiencing an
89.4% ROI" - Mariam Abacha
*

"It was a genuine pleasure to meet other honorable business
persons such as myself." - Isa Ahmed
*

"The presentation on P.T. Barnum was especially helpful." -
Farouk Bakoh
*

"The hotel was very, very upscale. The running water was a nice
touch! - Dr, Collins Mdadiwe
*

"I am pleased. I got many new email addresses as a direct result
of this most valuable conference." - Aku Chukwu
*

"Now I know how to respond when someone refers to my business as
a scam." - Franklin Dimmoh
*

"I AM FIRMLY CONVINCED THAT USING UPPERCASE LETTERS MAKES MY
WRITING MORE EFFECTIVE." - Mr. Ibrahim Ahmed
*

"The free daily newspaper was very good to receive, but it is not come
on Saturday." - Mrs. Mabel Mamumbi (my kidney disease is getting better,
but I am still a widow)

Register Now!

Registration is via a confidential money transfer.

Send your bank's name, account number, your name, address, telephone
number, and fax numbers. Please note again that this transaction is
strictly confidential and as such should be kept secret. Be rest assured
that this transaction is 100% risk free.

Kindly send the requested information (in complete confidence) to:

Nigerian EMail Conference
c/o Abuja Sheraton Hotel Abuja
Ladi Kwali Way Abuja, NG PMB 143


Nigerian EMail Association

©Copyright 2003
NoMojo Marketing Corporation
"Using free trade zones since 1998."

Believe it...people have made fortunes with the Nigeria e-mail scams and its
variations. And greedy people continue to keep falling for it..they deserve

Truer words were never spoken. Last year, the last year these figures are
availale, over $55M US dollars were separated from American bank accounts for
those too friggin gullible for these poor pleas for help in hiding scads o $$$

Most of those defrauded were from South of the Mason Dixon line. "Nuff said.

"RBNHOOD125" wrote...
[snip]
Most of those defrauded were from South of the Mason Dixon line. "Nuff said.

Um... that sounds like you're stereotyping a whole group of people
based on preconceived ideas you have. Surely someone
as intelligent as you couldn't be predjudiced, so I figure I'm misinterpreting
your comment.
Best wishes for your continued enjoyment of SWL.

Hey, watch that ****. And stay away from my trailer and pickup, the one
with the chaw juice on the drivers side.

Burr

Most of those defrauded were from South of the Mason Dixon line. "Nuff said.

Believe it...people have made fortunes with the Nigeria e-mail scams and its
variations. And greedy people continue to keep falling for it..they deserve

Truer words were never spoken. Last year, the last year these figures are
availale, over $55M US dollars were separated from American bank accounts for
those too friggin gullible for these poor pleas for help in hiding scads o $$$

Most of those defrauded were from South of the Mason Dixon line. "Nuff said.

Interesting! Can you gimme a source for that $55M US figure?


--
Col. I.P. Yurin
Commissariat of Internal Security

Stakhanovite
Order of Lenin (1937)
Hero of Socialist Labor (1939)

I didn't notice any mention of any particular area, but dumbasses with
more
money than brains can be found most anywhere in the US.

Frank Dresser

I don't know how far this goes in actually making any sort of a difference
in shutting down these Nigerian scammers (there are other African countries
getting into the scam, too), but here is an e-mail address where you can
forward any "419 fraud" spam you receive in your inbox--



Again, I am not sure what effect reporting these scams via e-mail will
actually have in stopping the perpetrators, but thought I would mention it.

Jack.

"I. P. Yurin" wrote in message
.. .
Believe it...people have made fortunes with the Nigeria e-mail scams and
its
variations. And greedy people continue to keep falling for it..they
deserve

Truer words were never spoken. Last year, the last year these figures are
availale, over $55M US dollars were separated from American bank accounts
for
those too friggin gullible for these poor pleas for help in hiding scads
o $$$

Most of those defrauded were from South of the Mason Dixon line. "Nuff
said.

Interesting! Can you gimme a source for that $55M US figure?




The US Treasury doesn't give a specific dollar amount per year, but they do
say this:

"Indications are that Advance Fee Fraud grosses hundreds of millions of
dollars annually and the losses are continuing to escalate. In all
likelihood, there are victims who do not report their losses to authorities
due to either fear or embarrassment."

This is from:

http://www.treas.gov/usss/alert419.shtml

I didn't notice any mention of any particular area, but dumbasses with more
money than brains can be found most anywhere in the US.

Frank Dresser

Thanks for the URL, comrade Dresser!

Especially revealing was the remark that one of the biggest engines of
this industry is "the greed of foreigners."

The capitalists eat their own!


--
Col. I.P. Yurin
Commissariat of Internal Security

Stakhanovite
Order of Lenin (1937)
Hero of Socialist Labor (1939)

What's this "Comrade" BS???

Also what's this Communist BS in your sig block ?

You guys lost the war, give it up, it "DON'T WORK"

Burr

From: Burr

What's this "Comrade" BS???

Also what's this Communist BS in your sig block ?

You guys lost the war, give it up, it "DON'T WORK"

Hey Burr!

Don't get too riled. Look at the name - Col. I.P. Yurin.... get it? It's a
joke. He's making fun of the old-line Soviets. He's been doing for almost a
year.

It's far funnier than the pro-racist brands of humor.

How's life in sunny SoCal?


Michael Bryant, WA4009SWL
Louisville, KY
R75, S800, RX320, SW77, ICF2010K,
DX398, 7600G, 6800W, RF2200, 7600A
GE SRll, Pro-2006, Pro-2010, Pro-76
(remove "nojunk" to reply)

Burr wrote in message ...

What's this "Comrade" BS???

Would you please be so kind as to provide me with your coordinates?