"I. P. Yurin" wrote in message
...


Newly commissioned Agent for Special Tasks, Frank Dresser, "Frank
Dresser" , replied in righteous
indignation, and with the full support of not only the Party, but the
undeterrable march of History itself! thusly:


The Party is the proper source of all "news". The current, vicious
lies in reactionary presses are circulated in a controlled fashion,
however, to that segment of the leadership that needs to be kept
abreast of these things.


Yes! That's exactly what I tried to make clear to Dan Rather. Somehow he
thought I was saying "What's the frequency, Kenneth!" Believe it or not,
some citizens are even more obtuse.




Oh, about my Liberalness? Gave it up. Tried Socialism but it was too
weak.
I'm now a card carrying Communist!


By the way, I love the cards. The suits are a little different. They're
all Red! And we don't have diamonds, hearts and spades. Instead, we have
Stars, Hammers and Sickles. We still have the Club, but ours is far more
intimidating.



And we are happy to have you, Comrade Dresser. Pay no attention to the
ravings of the reactionary half-wits. They have one foot in History's
garbage bin. You will grow calloused to these spiteful attacks.


Indeed. But I have been troubled by the possibility that a reactionary
half-wit might figure out how much corruption and confusion I, and the
controlled Liberal controlled media might spread among the capitalists. I
suppose it's better to have a half-wit know the full truth than a full-wit
know half the truth.



(personal aside: be careful about endorsing the anarchic elements at
RFPI. They have a very uncertain standing within the Comintern and the
security organs at the present time. Best to steer clear of their
non-Party, undisciplined approach.)

These radios have many fine qualities, but frequency stability is not among
them. Anytime the "Right-Wing Choice" deviates from the Party Line, the
receiver will most asssuredly drift straight to Radio Pyongyang. The radio
itself will steer clear!



Those who toil tirelessly on behalf of the People deserve only the
best during their necessary recuperation periods. Unfortunately, the
opening to the West has seen some of our more talented massage girls
leave for the cheap attractions of food, money, etc. Nonetheless, we
are certain you will not be unhappy. You may, for example, request a 6
month tour as bath-house guard at any of the women's Corrective Labor
Institutions.


And surely the Party is aware that the I, and the controlled Liberal
controlled media, are resposible for but a fraction of the confusion and
corruption of the Capitalist nations. Others have achieved far more.
Clearly, Comrade Bill Gates has earned the best.


There is NO unemployment under socialism and the Wise Rule of the
Party, Comrade! 101% employment, 101% of the time!


This is wonderful news! I feared that after exposure of my Evil
Ultra-Liberal scheme, the Party would kick me out and I'd be looking for an
unemployment check. Am I to understand that there will never be a check,
but cancellation is always a possibility?


All those who do not filter their subjective ramblings through the
furnace of the Party's guiding ideology are liars, whether they wish
to be or not.


Well said! It took a couple of wild cab rides to get Dan Rather to
understand.



Indeed. The article, and the worm who wrote it, will eventually be
spit from the mouth of the Party into the yawning gates of the
Corrective Labor Camps.

These journalists are obviously unaware of the requirements of correct
journalism. So many journalists think their job is to ask some questions,
write some words and to present a somewhat factual, mostly readable, story
before the deadline. They are completely unaware of their awesome
resposibility to shape the historical insights, the philosophy, why, the
very thought processes of thier readers. Just imagine the damage that might
be done to a strong minded Liberal, should he stumble across the World Net
Daily webpage. God, well - The Party, only knows what's happening with the
weak minded.

Will they send the TV NewsBabes to the Corrective Labor Camps? Hope I can
get my guard duty scheduled on time.



Ignore the capitalist, fake-religionists, who pretend to care about a
fetus until the moment it is born.


You will make an excellent Information Officer one day, Comrade
Dresser. I see promotion in your near future.

--
Col. I.P. Yurin
Commissariat of Internal Security

Stakhanovite
Order of Lenin (1937)
Hero of Socialist Labor (1939)

I haven't felt this much anticipation since the day I gave Alex Jones the
camcorder and the map to Bohimian Grove!!

Frank Dresser