DX: I just recently 'lost' someone (wife) VERY recently.....eleven and a
half years.

Oh my. I'm so sorry to hear that. You have my sincere condolences.

DX: I know this is the toughest thing I've ever encountered in my
thirty-eight years, still not sure what to do. Just day by day and sometimes
that isn't working either. {?} I've cried more than I thought was even
possible for myself and it still happens, I don't know.

It sounds like your lady was young, too. Oh boy. I do know exactly what you
mean, though. In past years, we'd lost two of our children through accidents
and one at birth due to malformed lungs, but losing my life mate affected me
the most. I just made a point of getting through the twelve stages of grief as
fast as possible, making new memories while cherishing the old ones. My/our
four surviving children have been great comfort. After all, they lost their
mother, too. They've been strengthened by my show of strength, I guess.

During the rest of the year (2001), I made a few road and rail trips, to visit
out-of-town kids and Ruby's sisters. The third trip, a pure road trip, was the
toughest because I was alone in the car. Train and byway travel was one thing
Ruby and I liked to do, so, on that trip, I used different US and State
highways than in the past. (I don't like Interstates, anyway.) I made albums of
photos, with brief captions, taken during each set of trips. I then shared them
with family members, by mail when necessary.

The periods of tearful breakdown rarely happen now, after nearly three years,
but they do still occur, whenever a place or event common to us pops up. On
Sunday mornings, I try to get up the bayshore and spend a while parked near
where I spread her ashes onto the bay waters during a memorial service for her.

My house is little changed from the way it was when Ruby was alive. Only when I
adapt one of my own housekeeping or cooking techniques does anything change or
get added. Because she was an amateur chef during the good times and a kitchen
MacGyver during the bad, I've become a good cook because I paid attention to
what she did -- from afar. G

Gregory: I lost my Janet after 21 years of bliss. It will be 5 years March
1. If you guys need someone to talk to, email me. I know what you are going
through.

I'm sorry to hear of your loss, too. Thank you very much for the offer. And I
offer that to DX. Just give me a shout via e-mail.

Ruby died in my arms early on her 69th birthday. It was sudden. Although she
had Type II diabetes and colon cancer, which conflict regarding diet, her death
was due to a ruptured aortic aneurysm. Due to continued loss of blood. she had
become bedridden but under wonderful at-home hospice care. The docs, including
one "specialist" thought the loss was due to the cancer. (Ruby wouldn't and I
won't take blood. It's not a religious thing, either.)

Her doctor had given her only a few weeks to live, so, while she was still
mobile, there was a two-week Irish wake around the house as family members and
friends came to visit, staying at a local motel, when necessary. She also
planned her memorial service then.

The docs had overlooked the aneurysm detected by a CaT scan and shown in the
report. They were concentrating on the cancer. Even our nurse daughter and I
overlooked that aneurysm in the CaT report. But when Ruby died, I, as an
ex-REMT, knew it was from severe shock. So I looked in the report and found the
cause. Our daughter confirmed the cause, and Ruby's doctor accepted the rupture
(resulting in hemogenic shock) as the cause of death. (In my county, unless
foul play is suspected, an autopsy isn't required when a doctor isn't present.)

Unless they are laying on an operating table, there's no saving a person whose
aorta ruptures, a common cause of death in auto accidents. But she had and I
have medical directives to not resuscitate, anyway. We're not afraid of dying.
It's the dying process that we dread(ed). Whenever I leave the house, I carry
my papers in a pouch hanging from my neck (and under my outer shirt).

I know this is off topic, but it's just one thread, and we're not spamming. And
we are all SWLs. :-)

Vy 73,
Bill, K5BY
SE Texas