Well Bill,

I guess I need to go a head and tell you where I have been and what I
have been doing. Then maybe I won't have to worry about telling you any
longer.

I have been at The Thomas Edison Center for the Treatment of
Technoholics in Woodside Ca, just outside of Silicon Valley. It's a
wonderful 40 acre spread, run by a Dr. Douglass Alligood.

The very first thing I did to get in trouble was try to hide my Tiny
Tina Supper Antenna in my underwear. The first 24 hours were the worst, I
was placed in detoxification with only a kerosene lamp and a few hardcover
books. No phone calls, or television. Communication was limited to face to
face conversation with staffers regarding nineteenth-century pastimes.

After completing detoxification I started occupational therapy,
relearning basic skills such as dialing a rotary phone, writing on paper
with a pen and long division without the aid of a calculator. Recreation
hour was spent mastering the Bill's yo-yo antenna.

In the evening, meetings were held on the rolling lawn in front of the
main house, it was there where technoholics shared their troubled histories.
I discovered I was not alone.

Ted, a stockbroker from Los Angeles told how he hit rock bottom when he
was stuck in his garage for three days when his garage door opener failed.
He didn't realize he could have just opened the door until after he got to
the Edison Center.

A girl named Ann became a tectnoholic after she got call waiting on her
telephone. She said she never thought she would become an addict, one day
she woke up to find herself standing around the mall waiting for Sharper
Images to open. After call waiting she got three way calling and from there
things just snowballed. She maxed out her credit cards on things like
portable fax machines and two-inch TVs.

The worst thing was the kids. There was a ten year old boy named Billy
who had been bought in by his grandparents. His father is a computer analyst
in Palo Alto. He didn't even beleive there used to be clocks with hands on
them.

Dr. Alligood has a 85% success rate with his treatment, I was not one of
them. The third day there I was able to get away and was recovered in town
playing the videos. I just hung in there through the reintegration training
to the modern world. I was forced to watch black & white TV with rabbit ears
and no remote control, use a rotary dial phone, take a course in penmanship
and learn to use a 1960 electric typewriter.

When I was leaving they asked me to acknowledge that I was powerless in
the face of technology. They said only then could I start the healing
process.

I couldn't wait to get my old Volvo on the road and listen to my virtual
reality machine so I could transport my consciousness into artificial
electronic Zen.

I now have headphones build into my cowboy hat, just like my bicycling
helmet, I look like a nice little man driving his old Volvo with a wonderful
smile on my face. I have covered the inside of the windshield with Mind
Altering Moodscapes to help with the mood as I pop my "SUPER MIND ZYGON
POWER PILLS" I find that I can induce a hypnotic trance then while my mind
is primed I can load pre-recorded behavioral mindscripts in to "MY SUPER
MIND".

Yo Dude, I have to get on with the transition so I'll close for today.
Be cool, keep the faith.