Landover Baptist Book of Rules and Regulations | Chapter 83 | Holidays |
Section 4: April | Subsection R - Easter | Page 723-724 | Paragraphs 4
and 5:

The Easter Bunny: Banned Easter Symbol
From the Year of Our Lord 1923 - (Until Jesus Tells Us Different)

Paragraph 4 -

Of all the Pagan symbols created by Satan to steal the True Christian
History of religious holidays, none, save Santa Claus is more dangerous
than the Easter Bunny. Painted pagan eggs, Easter baskets, and yellow
marshmallow chickens don't hold a candle to this furry four legged demonic
spawn, forged in the fires of Hell by Lucifer himself, for the sole purpose
of distracting innocent little snow white children from the true meaning
behind Easter Sunday. As the former angel of light, the Devil is an expert
in trickery! This has been evident from 1923 to present time in modern
churches where so-called "Christians" display the Easter bunny or pictures
of bunnies in their Easter Sunday service programs. Sadly, many pastors
have been seduced by the Devil's seemingly innocent long eared, hopping
hellion. But do not be mistaken! Underneath that silky soft white coat of
hair lay the tight red skin and pulsing veins of a miniature demon. And
there are millions of them! Have you ever heard the term, "they breed like
rabbits?" Well, the Devil is laughing right at YOU! If you don't understand
that Satan's job is breeding minions and the bunny rabbit is the ultimate
symbol of minion breeding, then please close this book now and find another
place of worship, for you are not welcome here.

Paragraph 5 -

Since 1923, Church authorities have not permitted the presence of rabbits
on the Landover Baptist Church campus. Any family found possessing or
breeding rabbits will have the rabbits terminated and suffer public
humiliation. In addition, they will receive immediate counseling from a
Deacon or Pastor (fine accrual not to exceed $2,800). [AMENDMENT - 1957 -
Church members found to be watching television programs where rabbits are
depicted, including the popular pornographic cartoon, Bugs Bunny, where the
rabbit is made to appear human in nature (i.e.: walking on two hind legs)
and unclothed are subject to severe discipline at the Pastor's whim, and
fines not to exceed $4,300]. [AMENDMENT: 1962 - Pastor has reviewed the
popular film, Harvey, starring Christian actor, James Stewart, and deemed
the material inappropriate for Landover Baptist Church members (as are any
picture house films). See Chapter 42 | Motion Pictures | Section 43 | Pages
305-450 for extensive details on discipline and monetary fines].
[AMENDMENT: 1974 - No church member is permitted to consume or digest the
product, "Trix." With the slogan, "Silly Rabbit, Trix are for kids! Satan
has revealed himself to the blind world of unsaved morons, but still they
refuse to believe! (See Chapter 42 | Motion Pictures | Section 43 | Pages
305-450 for extensive details on discipline and monetary fines)].
[AMENDMENT - 1984 - Pastor has viewed the film, Roger Rabbit and has
instructed that no further edicts be made to this section - any and all
forms of rabbits in any form of media or reality are unacceptable until
Armageddon (See Chapter 42 | Motion Pictures | Section 43 | Pages 305-450
for extensive details on discipline and monetary fines)].

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-- ps: If you ain't figured it out by now, 'Landover Baptist Church' is a
parody
of Fred Phelp's infamous Westover Baptist Church. Do a Google on
these and
you'll find them. Great holiday reading! Of course you can be
sure that
Elizabeth Border, Jakie Patru and their paranoid ilk will likely
take all the preceeding
rantings to be truth and eat up the same like flies to a freshly
laid cow-flop. Pathetic eh?