RadioBanter - View Single Post - Heavy Duty Antenna Wire - 500ft #8 19-Strand -

March 5th 06, 01:54 PM posted to rec.radio.shortwave

On 4 Mar 2006 19:55:16 -0800, wrote:

That's just the drug talking.

The Man Who Taught His Asshole to Talk
(Excerpt from Naked Lunch)
William S. Burroughs
Did I ever tell you about the man who taught his asshole to talk? His
whole abdomen would move up and down you dig farting out the words. It
was unlike anything I ever heard.

This ass talk had sort of a gut frequency. It hit you right down there
like you gotta go. You know when the old colon gives you the elbow and
it feels sorta cold inside, and you know all you have to do is turn
loose? Well this talking hit you right down there, a bubbly, thick
stagnant sound, a sound you could smell.

This man worked for a carnival you dig, and to start with it was like
a novelty ventriliquist act. Real funny, too, at first. He had a
number he called "The Better 'Ole" that was a scream, I tell you. I
forget most of it but it was clever. Like, "Oh I say, are you still
down there, old thing?"

"Nah I had to go relieve myself."

After a while the ass start talking on its own. He would go in without
anything prepared and his ass would ad-lib and toss the gags back at
him every time.

Then it developed sort of teeth-like little raspy in-curving hooks and
started eating. He thought this was cute at first and built an act
around it, but the asshole would eat its way through his pants and
start talking on the street, shouting out it wanted equal rights. It
would get drunk, too, and have crying jags nobody loved it and it
wanted to be kissed same as any other mouth. Finally it talked all the
time day and night, you could hear him for blocks screaming at it to
shut up, and beating it with his fist, and sticking candles up it, but
nothing did any good and the asshole said to him: "It's you who will
shut up in the end. Not me. Because we dont need you around here any
more. I can talk and eat and ****."

After that he began waking up in the morning with a transparent jelly
like a tadpole's tail all over his mouth. This jelly was what the
scientists call un-D.T., Undifferentiated Tissue, which can grow into
any kind of flesh on the human body. He would tear it off his mouth
and the pieces would stick to his hands like burning gasoline jelly
and grow there, grow anywhere on him a glob of it fell. So finally his
mouth sealed over, and the whole head would have have amputated
spontaneous — (did you know there is a condition occurs in parts of
Africa and only among Negroes where the little toe amputates
spontaneously?) — except for the eyes you dig. Thats one thing the
asshole couldn't do was see. It needed the eyes. But nerve connections
were blocked and infiltrated and atrophied so the brain couldn't give
orders any more. It was trapped in the skull, sealed off. For a while
you could see the silent, helpless suffering of the brain behind the
eyes, then finally the brain must have died, because the eyes went
out, and there was no more feeling in them than a crab's eyes on the
end of a stalk.