On Feb 1, 9:40 pm, "COLIN LAMB" wrote:

I cannot tell you all my secrets, but I can now get one or two boxes a week
without more than a mutter from my wife. It is based upon years of practice
and honing a fine art.

Some ideas I read about:

1) Bring purchase home in trunk of car. Under cover of darkness, move
purchase from car to basement window well. Open basement window and
bring purchase inside. (Only works with basement shacks near openable
windows)

2) Keep large trash can in basement. Make a big show of how much
useless stuff you are getting rid of each trash day. Bring purchase
home in trunk of car. Under cover of darkness, after trash day, while
retrieving empty can, put purchase into can and bring into basement.
(Only works with
basement shacks)

3) Mail parts and small purchases to yourself, with computer-made
official-looking labels from ham rig makers. Labels should say "FREE
SAMPLE" and "FOR EVALUATION BY (your call)". Helps to include official-
looking questionnaire and return envelope. (Only works with small
items in new condition)

4) Dismantle purchase at friend's house. Bring parts into house using
various methods listed above. Mix in with parts stock, which must be
big enough that additions are undetectable. Reassemble gradually so it
takes shape slowly and is not noticed. "And I built it myself from
parts I had on hand". (Works best with kits and homebrew that need
restoring anyway).

5) Sell 3 or 4 big things that you don't use and which are virtually
worthless, in order to buy one thing you really want. Helps to have
lots of useless big things around for such deals.

6) Deny, deny, deny. "That? I've always had that. Got it at the Podunk
Hollow hamfest in 1998. Cost over $700 new, I got a deal for less than
$50. You just never noticed it before."

7) Ham friend comes over, drops purchase off at your house. Says he's
moving, vacationing, having work done to his house, etc., and would
you hold onto the thing "for a while" so it won't get dirty, lost or
damaged? (Works best if ham friend does you, or better yet 'hon', a
bunch of non-ham-radio favors, so you owe him several favors back, and
can't refuse
him. Meanwhile you've done the same things for *him*, so he can do the
same deal.)

The following three can only be used once, so save them for that dream
purchase.

8) If you only have permission to buy one thing, but want two things,
have "radio store" (ham friend) send you both. Call "radio store" on
phone and complain about second item sent to you "by mistake". Spend a
lot of time on phone trying to convince them it's *their* mistake,
that you refuse to
pay for the item, it's not on your credit-card bill, etc. Finally have
"radio store" send you official-looking apology letter saying they're
sorry, they discovered the mistake, and you can just keep the second
item for free as a goodwill gesture from them. (Helps to practice one-
sided phone conversations by listening to old Bob Newhart routines).

9) Bring purchase into house when no one is home. Wrap up in
unlabeled, dusty, old, cardboard box. Hide in unusual place, away from
your ham gear - attic if shack is in basement, garage, etc. Bury it
under stuff that hasn't been disturbed in a long time, and won't be
normally moved.

After a suitable time has elapsed, get family to do "housecleaning".
Best if someone else discovers box. You act surprised, overjoyed,
cradle unit in your arms, tell family you thought it was lost years
ago and you thought it was gone forever, you'd never see it again,
etc. Long detailed
story of how you delivered papers for three years to save up for it
helps. (Only works with old items that you could have once owned).

10) Go to hamfest. Don't buy a thing (officially) - better yet, sell
a bunch of stuff. Leave early. That night, receive phone call from
excited ham friend telling you that you won the grand prize in the
doorprize/raffle. Pick up "grand prize" (your purchase) at his house -
which you dropped off there on the way home. (Only works with new
items. Mad scramble looking for raffle ticket stubs in car, clothing,
etc., with heroic rescue just before they go in the washing machine,
helps divert attention).

--

Not that I've actually *done* any of the above, mind you. Wouldn't
dream of it. Not me!

Just something I read somewhere - QST about 1970. Yeah, QST....that's
the ticket. Yup, QST.

73 de Jim, N2EY

No, really - there *was* such an article. I'm not making this up.
Honest. It was when QST was still in the small format. Had the raffle
ticket thing and all. You can look it up.

Would I lie?