(UPI) Birmingham, AL: Attorneys at the federal court here today
announced the final results of the paternity test of Anna Nicole
Smith's infant daughter. The results of this test, verified by Mayo
Clinic and the UAB Medical School, indicate that Mr. Lloyd Austin
Davies of Athens, AL, is, indeed, the biological father of this
child. Mr. Davies holds amateur radio call sign N0VFP, and has
previously gone by the alias of Profit Nutsack.

In a prepared statement, Mr. Davies revealed the details of the
event. The tersely worded document reads as follows:
"I was making my appointed rounds one Saturday night on pizza patrol
when this blonde jumped into the back seat of my car at a traffic
light. A few hours later during my supper break we were listening to
75 meters on the Icom 706 mounted under the dash of my car. She
immediately demanded that I tune to The Great Liberty Net.

"So we were sitting in the back seat listening to The Great Liberty
Net. When Chicken Fornicator checked in, something came over her. A
wild mood swing, and suddenly she was all over me. In what seemed
like an instant, the deed was done.

"When my supper break was over, I resumed my appointed rounds on pizza
patrol. As I stopped at the light on the corner of Main and Oak in
Athens, the blonde jumped out of the car and walked away before I
could get her name and phone number."

The test results, along with the sworn statement, will be sent to the
court via express courier. This revelation promises to have major
impact on the outcome of the hearings.

Locally, Channel 6 will be handling the minute-by-minute developments.