"Radio: Ponzi's back!"
In 1918, we had Charles Ponzi.
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Ninety years later, we have Peter "Sgt. Bilk-o" Ferrara.
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Schemes.
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From Ponzi to HD Radio.
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Ibiquity has the license and collects the fees. The HD Radio Alliance,
which Sgt. Bilk-o runs, does the fast-talkin', slow walkin' hype.
Right?
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Like the other schemes, the HD Radio edition begins with a hard-sell
sales pitch to hook you in and establish the product. Right?
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How about promoting and marketing HD Radio to the masses? Don't worry.
The HD Radio Alliance will do that for you. All you have to do is give
up a large chunk of your inventory to run a hefty schedule of their
creative - for free! Right?
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To get involved in HD Radio, a company has to invest in, buy the
products, and pay licensing fees to become a participant. Right?
When someone's invested in the operation in addition to buying the
services, you've got a lock. Right?
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An average HD Radio package for a radio station runs between $100,000
and $250,000. Right?
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HD Radio is run by a monopoly - Ibiquity. To use their system - the
only one approved by the FCC back when Michael "where's my taste?"
Powell was its chairman - you have to pay an annual license fee. Its
cost is determined by - you guessed it - Ibiquity. Right?
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Selected radio consultants, writers, and media organization heads are
hired as carporegimes who act like press flacks and indie promoters to
back Ibiquity and the HD Radio Alliance. Right?
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On certain planned occasions, these hired guns will intentionally
disagree with the HD Radio Alliance and Ibiquity on their promotion
and marketing creative. That way you don't think of them being on
their payroll. Right? Clever but transparent. Right?
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Tech problems? Chances are your engineers told you about them up front
- before the install. And those HD Radio salespeople jokingly
whispered in your ear how all engineers overreact toward new
technology. They even added a "how many engineers does it take..." joke
to reassure the decision makers that "all engineers are like that."
Right?
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And the HD Radio Alliance even went one step further by putting a few
of the more influential engineers - those that love to read their
expert names in the trades - on the payroll to help preach the word.
Right?
I'll leave HD Radio's tech disasters for engineers to discuss. I'll
just say one word. Hash. Right?
I've heard you can make a pretty good buck if you drum up positive HD
radio press. Right?
Here's an example. Dress a bunch of radio station interns in Devo
outfits and send them through the barren streets of downtown Detroit
passing out flyers that read "have you heard HD Radio lately?" Though
most of them are still lying in the gutters in and around the safe
haven of Greektown, the Coot, who put on that dog and pony show,
brought along his digital camera to shoot the shot that appeared in a
dozen trades. Right?
You've got to give credit where credit is due and the Coot deserves
his for being real good at what he does. It's like mayor of his native
Detroit. He's got the combination of Third World-style corruption and
incompetence down. He makes Sgt. Bilk-o a happy man. Right?
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Bilk-o really, really loves ya, Cootie, baby! Right?
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HD Radio has to be one of the more bizarre schemes of the twenty-first
century. Make all the money while radio does all the cash payments and
heavy lifting. Right?
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Ferrara's a smart guy. He runs the HD Radio Alliance joint from behind
the screw factory aka the Clear Channel compound in San Antonio. You
have to wonder who's zoomin' who in that building this morning. Right?
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You already know who's zoomin' who outside the building. Right? Right.
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