These are keepers. Especially like item 19. That one applies to HF as
well.

Beep

Dan/W4NTI

"WA8ULX" wrote in message
...
The 30 Steps below will help all New Hams, it will also help you to find
others
just like yourself. These 30 steps should also be added to the present
writtens.


Step One: Use as many "Q" signals as possible. Yes, I know they were
invented
solely for CW and are totally inappropriate for two meter FM, but they are
fun
and entertaining. They keep people guessing as to what you really meant.
I.E.
"I'm going to QSY to the phone." Can you really change frequencies to the
phone? QSL used to mean, "I am acknowledging receipt", but now it appears
to
mean, "yes" or "OK". I guess I missed it when the ARRL changed the
meaning. It
is also best to use "OK" and "QSL" together. Redundancy is the better part
of
Lid-dom.
Step Two: Never laugh when you can say "HI HI". No one will ever know you
aren't a long time CW rag-chewer if you don't tell them. They'll think
you've
been on since the days of Marconi.

Step Three: Utilize an alternative vocabulary. Use words like "destinated"
and
"negatory". It's OK to make up your own words here. I.E. "Yeah Tom, I
"pheelbart zaphonix" occasionally myself."

Step Four: Always say "XX4XXX" (Insert your own call) "for I.D." As
mentioned
in Step One, anything that creates redundancy is always encouraged. That's
why
we have the Department of Redundancy Department. (Please note that you can
follow your call with "for identification purposes" instead of "for I.D."
While
taking longer to say, it is worth more "LID points".

Step Five: The better the copy on two meter FM, the more you should use
phonetics. Names should be especially used if they are short or common
ones.
I.E. "My name is Al... Alpha Lima" or "Jack.. Juliet Alpha Charlie Kilo."
If at
all possible use the less common HF phonetics "A4SM... America, Number
Four,
Sugar Mexico." And for maximum "LID points", make up unintelligible
phonetics.
"My name is Bob... Billibong Oregano Bumperpool."

Step Six: Always give the calls of yourself and everyone who is (or has
been)
in the group, whether they are still there or not. While this has been
unnecessary for years, it is still a great memory test. You may also use
"and
the group" if you are an "old timer" or just have a bad memory. Extra
points
for saying everyone's call and then clearing in a silly way "K2PKK, Chow,
Chow."

Step Seven: Whenever possible, use the wrong terminology. It keeps people
guessing. Use "modulation" when you mean "deviation", and vice-versa.

Step Eight: If someone asks for a break, always finish your turn, taking
as
long as possible before turning it over. Whenever possible, pass it around
a
few times first. This will discourage the breaker, and if it is an
emergency,
encourage him to switch to another repeater and not bother you.

Step Nine: Always ask involved questions of the person who is trying to
sign
out. Never let him get by with just a "yes" or "no" answer. Make it a
question
that will take him a long time to answer.

Step Ten: The less you know on a subject, the more you should speculate
about
it in the roundtable. Also the amount of time you spend on the subject
should
be inversely proportionate to your knowledge of the subject even though
you
have no damn clue.

Step Eleven: Always make sure you try to communicate with only a handheld
and a
rubber duck antenna. Also, make sure you work through a repeater that you
can
hear very well, but it cannot hear you. This will put out a kind of "LID
mating
call": "Well, Joe, I can hear the repeater just fine here. I wonder why it
can't hear me?" You will score maximum LID points if you are mobile, and
with
the radio lying in the passenger seat.

Step Twelve: If you hear two amateurs start a conversation, wait until
they are
twenty seconds into their contact, and then break in to make a call, or
better
yet to use the auto-patch. Make sure you keep the repeater tied up for at
least
three minutes. This way, once the two have re-established contact, they
won't
even remember what they were talking about.

Step Thirteen: You hear someone on the repeater giving directions to a
visiting
amateur. Even if the directions are good, make sure you break in with your
own
"alternate route but better way to get there" version. This is most
effective
with several other "would-be LIDs", each giving a different route. By the
time
the visiting amateur unscrambles all the street names whizzing by in his
mind,
he should have moved out of the range of the repeater. This keeps you from
having to stick around to help the guy get back out of town, later.

Step Fourteen: If an annoying station is bothering you, make sure your
other
"LID" buddies have a "coded" frequency list. Even though "CODES" are
strictly
forbidden on Amateur Radio, it's really neat to practice "James Bond"
tactics.

Step Fifteen: Always use the National Calling Frequency for general
conversations. The more uninteresting, the longer you should use it. Extra
points are awarded if you have recently move from an adjacent frequency
for no
reason. Make sure when DX is "rolling" in on 52.525 that you hang out
there and
talk to your friends five miles down the road about the good old CB days!

Step Sixteen: Make sure that if you have a personal problem with someone,
you
should voice your opinion in a public forum, especially a net. Make sure
you
give their name, call, and any other identifying remarks. For maximum
points,
make sure the person in question is not on the repeater, or not available.

Step Seventeen: Make sure you say the first few words of each transmission
twice, especially if it is the same thing each time. Like "roger, roger"
or
"fine business, fine business". I cannot stress enough about encouraging
redundancy.

Step Eighteen: If you hear a conversation on a local repeater, break in
and ask
how each station is receiving you. Of course they will only see the signal
of
the repeater you are using, but it's that magic moment when you can find a
fellow "LID", and get the report. Extra points are awarded if you are
using a
base station, and the repeater is less than twenty-five air miles from
you.

Step Nineteen: Use the repeater for an hour or two at a time, preventing
others
from using it. Better yet, do it on a daily basis. Your quest is to make
people
so sick of hearing your voice every time they turn on their radio, they'll
move
to another frequency. This way you'll lighten the load on the repeater,
leaving
even more time for you to talk on it.

Step Twenty: See just how much flutter you can generate by operating at
handheld power levels too far away from the repeater. Engage people in
conversations when you know they wont be able to copy half of what your
saying.
Even when they say your uncopyable, continue to string them along by
making
further transmissions. See just how frustrated you can make the other
amateur
before he finally signs off in disgust.

Step Twenty One: Use lots of radio jargon. After all, it makes you feel
important using words ordinary people don't say. Who cares if it makes you
sound like you just fell off Channel 19 on the citizen's Band? Use phrases
such
as "Roger on that", "10-4", "I'm on the side", "Your making the trip" and
"Negatory on that".

Step Twenty Two: Use excessive microphone gain. See just how loud you can
make
your audio. Make sure the audio gain is so high that other amateurs can
hear
any bugs crawling on your floor. If mobile, make sure the wind noise is
loud
enough that others have to strain to pick your words out from all the
racket.

Step Twenty Three: Start every transmission with the word "Roger" or
"QSL".
Sure, you don't need to acknowledge that you received the other
transmission in
full. After all, you would simply ask for a repeat if you missed
something. But
consider it your gift to the other amateur to give him solace every few
seconds
that his transmissions are being received.

Step Twenty Four: When looking for a contact on a repeater, always say
your
"listening" or "monitoring" multiple times. I've always found that at
least a
half dozen times or so is good. Repeating your multiple "listening" ID's
every
10 to 15 seconds is even better. Those people who didn't want to talk to
you
will eventually call you, hoping you'll go away after you have finally
made a
contact.

Step Twenty Five: Always use a repeater, even if you can work the other
station
easily on simplex ... especially if you can make the contact on simplex.
The
coverage of the repeater you use should be inversely proportional to your
distance from the other station.

Step Twenty Six: When on repeaters using courtesy tones, you should always
say
"over". Courtesy tones are designed to let everyone know when you have
unkeyed
but don't let that stop you. Say "over", "back to you" or "go ahead". It
serves
no useful purpose but don't worry, it's still fun!

Step Twenty Seven: Use the repeater's autopatch for frivolous routine
calls...
especially during morning or evening commute times. While pulling into the
neighborhood, call home to let them know you'll be there in two
minutes.... or,
call your spouse to complain about the bad day you had at work. After all,
the
club has "measured rate" service on their phone line so they get charged
for
each autopatch call. Your endeavor is to make so many patches in a year
that
you cost the club at least $20 in phone bills. That way you'll feel you
got
your money's worth for your dues!

Step Twenty Eight: Never say "My name is ....." It makes you sound human.
If at
all possible, use one of the following phrases: a) "The personal here is
...."
b) "The handle here is..."

Step Twenty Nine: Use "73" and "88" incorrectly. Both are already
considered
plural, but add a "s" to the end anyway. Say "73's" or "88's". Who cares
if it
means "best regards" and "love and kisses." Better yet, say "seventy
thirds"!
(By the way, seventy thirds equals about 23.3).

Step Thirty: If the repeater is off the air for service, complain about
the
fact that it was off the air as soon as it's turned back on. Act as though
your
entire day has been ruined because the repeater wasn't available when you
wanted to use it. Even thought you have never paid a penny to help out
with the
upkeep of it.