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How to install an antenna

Here is another letter from Elmer A. Hamoprater titled
"how 2 put up an antenner"

Please note that we did not correct his spelling or edit his letter in any way.
Our Spell Check program crashes when used on Elmer's letters!
It is printed here below exactly as sent to us!
hay agin mi ham raydio frend.
lik i pramised bfor hear is mi letur tellin ya how 2 put up an
antenner.
tha first theng i need ta say is it shor is hard wurk puttin up an
antenner.
ya need a lota plannin an fixin bfor ya can git starded.
2 of tha mos emportent thengs ta hav is a gud test dawg ana gud pare
uf wyre cuters..
mi test dawges name is yep.
i named hem that caws thates whut he duz whin he fines tha wrong wyre
fur mi antenner.
i ownly use won kind uf antenner wyre caws i kin fine it purty esey
arond whur i liv.
it downt cost me nuttin ecept fur all tha wawkin an runnin me an yep
mi dawg gota du.
we start kinda earlie en tha mornin hikin over tha hill tu mi
naybors land
wher i git tha wyre fur mi antenner.
mi naybors gota lota land whur he kepes hes couws an won bull
fenced en.
an all tha wey arond it on tha fence he keeps nyce nue shiny wyre thet i
make mi antenners owt uf.
i kin awl ways git awl tha wyre i need thayer caws ever tyme i git sum
mi naybor puts mor
up betwen tha post.
i al so git mi ensulayters frum ofa tha posts ta use own mi
antenners.
gettin this wyre kin be awful dangrous to yur helth caws uf tha bull so ya
gota keepa sharp lookowt furim.
bout tha tyme we git closeta tha fence i needa little forta fyin sow i reech
bak in mi bak pac and pul owt
o i for got to tel ya bout tha bac pac.
bfor i leve mi shak i git mi ol ladiy to pac me an yep up sumpin to
eet an drenk.
wel i git mi dawg yep a biskit an im sorta thirstee sow owt she cums
mi jar uf sippin licker.
i no im gonna needa lota corage ta git tha wyre owt frum unner that bulls nose
sow i opener up and take abowt
8 swallers.
mi dowg yep es lookin up at tha jar sow i no he mus be needin a liddle corage
2 sow i reech bak in mi bac pac
pull owt anuther biskit and soke it gud withe the sippin whicker an
givit toim.
doun it gos weth won gulpe ana coupla sekons latur bothe ears stan strate up
an i no mi dawg es rediy to wurk.
he trots ovur ta tha furst post he cums tu hikes hes hin
lig an letser fli.
if he lets owt a yep an is nocked backards then i no thet tha wyre is hot ans
tha wrong wyre fer mi antenner.
this is why its emportunt ta hava gud test dawg.
yeps name sure is fittin fer im.
whin yep finaly stops yeppin an gits up we go ta a difrunt part uf tha fense
and yep dum ol dawg testes it agin.
thes tyme he jus sorta luoks at me an grins an i no tha wyre is gud wire fur
my antenner. smart dawg mi yep.
i reech out an kut tha wyre weth mi wyre cuters an grabit an me an ol yep start runnin
as hard as we kin tawards home hopein tha bull
was busy. sumtymes i git forti er fity fut ata tyme lik
thes.
we finely git tu tha shak an ol yep plops doun on tha botum step an i pul
ouwt my jar uf swippin clicker an
biskits an set a spell wunderin how ime gonna git mi nu wyre up in
tha trees.
im knot tu keen on climin trees or enything vury hi but ol yep jest luvs ta
clime. he wun a contest a while bak at
tha cownty fare fer climin an beet dawgs frum al ovor tha
place.
i now had an idear abowt how to git mi nu wyre up in tha tree sow i maid up mi mind
tu let yep hav sume fun sow i wokeim up.
he jumped up weth won ear up an won doun an starded ta wag his tayal. i think
he new what wus gonna happin.
smart dawg mi yep.
i got tha nu wyre an tyed it tu his tayal an poyned tu tha tree an yelled up
yep an he lit owt lyke greezed
litenin up tha syde uf tha tree weth bark justa fliyin.
he got abowt tin fut up an straduled tha furst lim an held own an
barked doun at me.
i new whut he wantid. mor corage.
i ran an got anuther biskit an soked it gud frum mi jar an chunked
it up tuim.
he cawt it in mid air an swollered it hole an ina flash he wuz own
hes way agin.
i recon tha tree musta ben abowt therty er forety fut tall an yep brok alota
lims own his way up tu tha top.
he finaliy got tu tha last lim at tha top an grabed hold weth bowth paws
an hunge own fer deer lyfe.
he wuz sum syte hangin frum tha lim way up ther weth mi nu antenner wyre
tyed tu his tayal.
wel it jest kame tu me thet ol yep wuz a gud tree climin dawg but thare
wuz 1 problem i had fergot.
he did ent no how ta git doun.
dum dawg mi yep.
wel i did ent wont im ta fall sow up tha tree i wint after i fenished mi jar of
sippin slisker caws i waddent tu keen
on climin..
when i reeched him i tuk tha nu wyre ofa his tayal an tyed it tu tha lim
an grabed him an put
him arown mi nek an starded doun tha tree.
i got tu tha growne an ol yep leeped frum mi bak an ran unner tha
shak.
smart dawg mi yep.
i loked up at mi bran nu antenner wyre hangin frum tha tallist tree i had
an then i real lized that
tha end uf it wuz abowt therty fuut up tha tree.
dang it.
here yep. whure is zat dawg.

it shor is hard wurk puttin up an antenner.

ey will right mor latur whin i git anuther pen
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Diagnosed Type II Diabetes March 5 2001
Beating it with diet and exercise!
297/215/210 (to be revised lower)
58"/43"(!)/44" (already lower too!)
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Visit my HomePage at http://members.shaw.ca/finkirv/index.html
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Irv Finkleman,
Grampa/Ex-Navy/Old Fart/Ham Radio VE6BP
Calgary, Alberta, Canada