NOTICE TO ALL VISITORS


WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO WITNESS IS AN AMATEUR RADIO STATION LICENSED AS ________________ BY THE FEDERAL COMMUNICATIONS COMMISSION IN WASHINGTON, DC. BEFORE YOU ASK THE QUESTIONS, HERE ARE THE ANSWERS:

The total cost of this equipment cannot be discussed here as it creates marital conflicts.

No, we cannot send a message to your brother in Hong Kong. We suggest you call Western Union.

This is strictly a hobby; we do not have the facilities or the time to fool around with TV sets, radios or hi-fi. We suggest that you see a serviceman.

Yes, the antenna in the backyard is essential to the operation of the equipment.

The farthest station we have contacted has been just east of Jesus.

The cards on the wall are called QSL cards. They are confirmation of contacts made with other stations.

It is technically impossible for this station's equipment to interfere with television reception, telephones or stereo systems. Any interference problems of that nature are caused by design flaws in the home-entertainment devices themselves.

An Amateur Radio station may only be operated by a highly qualified, technically skilled electronics expert. It takes dedication, training and intelligence to reach the level of competence that justifies one to be licensed by the United States Federal Government. Therefore, it is not considered inappropriate to show proper awe, respect and general obsequiousness when I discuss my hobby or operate the controls.

FURTHERMORE. . . IF YOU ARE GRANTED THE EXTREME HONOR OF BEING INVITED TO SPEAK INTO THE MICROPHONE, PLEASE OBSERVE THE FOLLOWING RULES:
Speak in a low and soothing tone.

Do not disagree with me in any manner.

Say no bad words and tell no off-color jokes.

It is customary for guests to make complimentary remarks about this station and its licensed operator when talking to other hams on the air.

DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING, TURN ANY KNOBS, SIT ON EQUIPMENT, ETC. I HAVE LOST SEVERAL VISITORS BY ELECTROCUTION IN THE PAST FEW WEEKS.