"Steveo" wrote in message
...
This little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink. He's
been sitting there for half an hour when this big trouble-making truck
driver steps next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig.
The poor little guy starts crying. "Come on man, I was just giving you a
hard time," says the truck driver. "I'll buy you another drink. I just
can't stand to see a man crying." "This is the worst day of my life," says
the little guy between sobs. "I can't do anything right. I overslept and
was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the
parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I have no insurance. I grabbed
a
cab home but, after the cab left, I discovered my wallet was left in the
cab. At home I found my wife in bed with the gardener. So I came to this
bar and was intent on putting an end to my life, and then you show up and
drink the damn poison."


If you thought things weren't going well for you, think of this poor guy.


PADERBORN, GERMANY - Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his
constipated elephant 'Stefan' 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up elephant finally
let fly and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators
say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an
olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him like a dump truck
full of mud. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation
knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and
lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of
him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no one
there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a
watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. "It seems to be
just one of those freak accidents that happen."


STILL think you're having a bad day?


A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking
frantically, like in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from
his waist towards the electric coffee pot. Intending to jolt him away from
the deadly current, she whacked him with her son's baseball bat, breaking
his arm in two places. Up until that moment, he had been happily listening
to his Walkman.


STILL think you're having a bad day?


Two animal rights protesters were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to
a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke
loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two hopeless
protesters wer e trampled to death.


STILL think you're having a bad day?


There was a case in one hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients
always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11am, regardless of
their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that
it had something to do with the supernatural.
No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11 A.M.
on Sundays. So a Worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the
cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11am,
all the doctors and nurses nervously wait outside the ward to see for
themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding
wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy
objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just when the clock struck 11, Pookie
Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the
life support system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner.


STILL think you're having a bad day?


The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill
in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively
saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and
applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate
them both.


STILL think you're having a bad day?


A terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It
came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb;
he opened it and was blown to bits.


There now, feeling better?


Landshark


--
Treat people as if they were what
they ought to be and you will help
them become what they are capable
of becoming.