1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was
dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I ****ed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
innocently.
You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it
didn't move."



2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No, You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"



3. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was
tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when
he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me
tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she
said.
"I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big
sissy."



4. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the
children's
sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.One little girl
was
wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor
leaned
over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
"Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."



5. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old
came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.
She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"



6. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,
"Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day,
"What are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two,
that son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,
"What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

7. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply,
"I'm Mr.. Sugarbrown's daughter."
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
"Aren't you Mr.. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."

8. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut,
eating a snack cake. The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna
get hair on your Twinkie."
She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."

Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to someone else!!




--
KC8TCQ

Know thyself. If you need
help, call the C.I.A.