Slow Code wrote:
The 30 Steps below will help all No-Code Hams, it will also help you to
find others just like yourself. These 30 steps should also be added to the
present writtens.


Step One: Use as many "Q" signals as possible. Yes, I know they were
invented solely for CW and are totally inappropriate for two meter FM,
but they are fun and entertaining. They keep people guessing as to what
you really meant. I.E. "I'm going to QSY to the phone." Can you really
change frequencies to the phone? QSL used to mean, "I am acknowledging
receipt", but now it appears to mean, "yes" or "OK". I guess I missed it
when the ARRL changed the meaning. It is also best to use "OK" and "QSL"
together. Redundancy is the better part of Lid-dom.

Morkie Step 1: Change the Q signals to your own meaning, then get
mad at people when they tell you that you aren't making sense at
all...Let alone using them on phone.

Step Two: Never laugh when you can say "HI HI". No one will ever know you
aren't a long time CW rag-chewer if you don't tell them. They'll think
you've been on since the days of Marconi.

Morkie Step 2: Send it as IH IH and blame dyslexia.

Step Three: Utilize an alternative vocabulary. Use words like "destinated"
and "negatory". It's OK to make up your own words here. I.E. "Yeah Tom, I
"pheelbart zaphonix" occasionally myself."

Morkie Step 3: You can just take a lot of your RRAP postings and
use them on the air. God knows there's enough of them.

Step Four: Always say "XX4XXX" (Insert your own call) "for I.D." As
mentioned in Step One, anything that creates redundancy is always
encouraged. That's why we have the Department of Redundancy Department.
(Please note that you can follow your call with "for identification
purposes" instead of "for I.D." While taking longer to say, it is worth
more "LID points".

Morkie Step 4: This won't be a BIG problem for Morkie...It's
unlikely he'll be talking to too many people other than "gavi", and
he'll be trying to avoid Morkie on the air anyway.

Step Five: The better the copy on two meter FM, the more you should use
phonetics. Names should be especially used if they are short or common
ones. I.E. "My name is Al... Alpha Lima" or "Jack.. Juliet Alpha Charlie
Kilo." If at all possible use the less common HF phonetics "A4SM...
America, Number Four, Sugar Mexico." And for maximum "LID points", make up
unintelligible phonetics. "My name is Bob... Billibong Oregano
Bumperpool."

Morkie Step 5: "Keep Banging 9 Rabid Queer Zebras"

Step Six: Always give the calls of yourself and everyone who is (or has
been) in the group, whether they are still there or not. While this has
been unnecessary for years, it is still a great memory test. You may also
use "and the group" if you are an "old timer" or just have a bad memory.
Extra points for saying everyone's call and then clearing in a silly way
"K2PKK, Chow, Chow."

Morkie Step 6: Just read down those "moonbunce" logs of yours and
pretend you are REALLY talking to them. Leave a 2 or 3 minute pause
when using the repeater and someone will just think you're hearing
someone on simplex or an overlapping repeater.

Step Seven: Whenever possible, use the wrong terminology. It keeps people
guessing. Use "modulation" when you mean "deviation", and vice-versa.

Morkie Step 7: Same thing as Morkie Steps 1 and 3.

Step Eight: If someone asks for a break, always finish your turn, taking
as long as possible before turning it over. Whenever possible, pass it
around a few times first. This will discourage the breaker, and if it is
an emergency, encourage him to switch to another repeater and not bother
you.

Morkie Step 8: Ignore this, Morkie..Go ahead and answer the call.
We all know you're incompetent in English, and by the time the poor
bloke on the other end figures out he's not going to get the message
through via you, his batteries will ahve already dropped so low he
can't be heard any longer anyway...The problem goes away.

Step Nine: Always ask involved questions of the person who is trying to
sign out. Never let him get by with just a "yes" or "no" answer. Make it a
question that will take him a long time to answer.

Morkie Step 9: Read a dictionary and learn the MEANING of "yes"
and "no".

Step Ten: The less you know on a subject, the more you should speculate
about it in the roundtable. Also the amount of time you spend on the
subject should be inversely proportionate to your knowledge of the subject
even though you have no damn clue.

Morkie Step 10: Here's a page right out of Morkie Past...Just ask
a question and then when some poor well meaning slob DOES answer you,
regardless of how correct his answer, cuss him out, call him names,
then brag to everyone how great an Amateur you are.

You can use K0HB as a reference and RRAP posters as witnesses.

Step Eleven: Always make sure you try to communicate with only a handheld
and a rubber duck antenna. Also, make sure you work through a repeater
that you can hear very well, but it cannot hear you. This will put out a
kind of "LID mating call": "Well, Joe, I can hear the repeater just fine
here. I wonder why it can't hear me?" You will score maximum LID points if
you are mobile, and with the radio lying in the passenger seat.

Morkie Step 11: Have Gavvie sitting on the mic after having beer
and tacos for dinner...They'll REALLY love you on the repeater.

Step Twelve: If you hear two amateurs start a conversation, wait until
they are twenty seconds into their contact, and then break in to make a
call, or better yet to use the auto-patch. Make sure you keep the repeater
tied up for at least three minutes. This way, once the two have
re-established contact, they won't even remember what they were talking
about.

Morkie Step 12: Make sure you call Gavvie on the autopatch to
tell him you'll be home in 2 minutes, but to give you a quick call on
the cell phone before you get there "just in case"...

Step Thirteen: You hear someone on the repeater giving directions to a
visiting amateur. Even if the directions are good, make sure you break in
with your own "alternate route but better way to get there" version. This
is most effective with several other "would-be LIDs", each giving a
different route. By the time the visiting amateur unscrambles all the
street names whizzing by in his mind, he should have moved out of the
range of the repeater. This keeps you from having to stick around to help
the guy get back out of town, later.

Morkie Step 13: And remember to read the street names just as YOU
see them, not as they are written...His Mapquest will blow up trying to
unscramble that mess...

Step Fourteen: If an annoying station is bothering you, make sure your
other "LID" buddies have a "coded" frequency list. Even though "CODES" are
strictly forbidden on Amateur Radio, it's really neat to practice "James
Bond" tactics.

Morkie Step 14: Guess this will be easy enough, since only you and
Gavvie will need to memorize them.

Step Fifteen: Always use the National Calling Frequency for general
conversations. The more uninteresting, the longer you should use it. Extra
points are awarded if you have recently move from an adjacent frequency
for no reason. Make sure when DX is "rolling" in on 52.525 that you hang
out there and talk to your friends five miles down the road about the good
old CB days!

Morkie Step 15: Remember to be "on the flat side" when they are
all on the "flip side".

Step Sixteen: Make sure that if you have a personal problem with someone,
you should voice your opinion in a public forum, especially a net. Make
sure you give their name, call, and any other identifying remarks. For
maximum points, make sure the person in question is not on the repeater,
or not available.

Morkie Step 16: In otherwords, just be your same old annoying
self.

Step Seventeen: Make sure you say the first few words of each transmission
twice, especially if it is the same thing each time. Like "roger, roger"
or "fine business, fine business". I cannot stress enough about
encouraging redundancy.

Morkie Step 17: Refer to Morkie Step 3.

Step Eighteen: If you hear a conversation on a local repeater, break in
and ask how each station is receiving you. Of course they will only see
the signal of the repeater you are using, but it's that magic moment when
you can find a fellow "LID", and get the report. Extra points are awarded
if you are using a base station, and the repeater is less than twenty-five
air miles from you.

Morkie Step 18: Tell them YOU can't give an S-meter report since
your radio only has "bars" in the display.

Step Nineteen: Use the repeater for an hour or two at a time, preventing
others from using it. Better yet, do it on a daily basis. Your quest is to
make people so sick of hearing your voice every time they turn on their
radio, they'll move to another frequency. This way you'll lighten the load
on the repeater, leaving even more time for you to talk on it.

Morkie Step 19: Remember to include topics of conversation like
your deviant bedroom behaviour, how you've been able to dodge those
pesky investigators, and how you hope the mailman doesn't take till 3
in the afternoon to get your check in on the first.

Step Twenty: See just how much flutter you can generate by operating at
handheld power levels too far away from the repeater. Engage people in
conversations when you know they wont be able to copy half of what your
saying. Even when they say your uncopyable, continue to string them along
by making further transmissions. See just how frustrated you can make the
other amateur before he finally signs off in disgust.

Morkie Step 20: Refer to Morkie Step 8 when doing this. Be just
close enough to the repeater to prevent people who can really help from
getting in, but allow you to dominate the receiver with crappy signal
strength.

Step Twenty One: Use lots of radio jargon. After all, it makes you feel
important using words ordinary people don't say. Who cares if it makes you
sound like you just fell off Channel 19 on the citizen's Band? Use phrases
such as "Roger on that", "10-4", "I'm on the side", "Your making the trip"
and "Negatory on that".

Morkie Step 21: This will be a breeze. You've had several
sockpuppet QSO's on RRAP in CB jargon that you can just quote from some
of your postings...We'll all be impressed! Especially if you can read
your own "writing".....

Step Twenty Two: Use excessive microphone gain. See just how loud you can
make your audio. Make sure the audio gain is so high that other amateurs
can hear any bugs crawling on your floor. If mobile, make sure the wind
noise is loud enough that others have to strain to pick your words out
from all the racket.

Morkie Step 22: And remember to crank up the lean-yaar too.
Between the two, you'll trash repeaters for 100 kHz above and below
you.

Step Twenty Three: Start every transmission with the word "Roger" or
"QSL". Sure, you don't need to acknowledge that you received the other
transmission in full. After all, you would simply ask for a repeat if you
missed something. But consider it your gift to the other amateur to give
him solace every few seconds that his transmissions are being received.

Morkie Step 23: Ignore this one too, Morkie. You have already
demonstrated that you don't comprehend English very well, so we'd all
know you were probably lying anyway.

Step Twenty Four: When looking for a contact on a repeater, always say
your "listening" or "monitoring" multiple times. I've always found that at
least a half dozen times or so is good. Repeating your multiple
"listening" ID's every 10 to 15 seconds is even better. Those people who
didn't want to talk to you will eventually call you, hoping you'll go away
after you have finally made a contact.

Morkie Step 24: This probably won't work for Gavvie since he
knows you'll be home sooner or later anyway...You can always tell him
you never heard him, but since you've already admitted to being a
chronic liar he's probably going to nail you with his rolling pin
anyway.

Step Twenty Five: Always use a repeater, even if you can work the other
station easily on simplex ... especially if you can make the contact on
simplex. The coverage of the repeater you use should be inversely
proportional to your distance from the other station.

Morkie Step 25: Refer to Morkie Step 12. Same theory.

Step Twenty Six: When on repeaters using courtesy tones, you should always
say "over". Courtesy tones are designed to let everyone know when you have
unkeyed but don't let that stop you. Say "over", "back to you" or "go
ahead". It serves no useful purpose but don't worry, it's still fun!

Morkie Step 26: Don't forget "Roger, WILCO, Over and Out".

Step Twenty Seven: Use the repeater's autopatch for frivolous routine
calls... especially during morning or evening commute times. While pulling
into the neighborhood, call home to let them know you'll be there in two
minutes.... or, call your spouse to complain about the bad day you had at
work. After all, the club has "measured rate" service on their phone line
so they get charged for each autopatch call. Your endeavor is to make so
many patches in a year that you cost the club at least $20 in phone bills.
That way you'll feel you got your money's worth for your dues!

Morkie Step 27: Of course you will have used your "disabled"
membership option, ergo you won't need to make nearly as many
autopatches to get to that dollar amount, but go right on ahead and
keep making them. Someone with a real job will be able to pitch in to
the club coffers and make up the difference.

Step Twenty Eight: Never say "My name is ....." It makes you sound human.
If at all possible, use one of the following phrases: a) "The personal
here is ..." b) "The handle here is..."

Morkie Step 28: Don't forget "The first personal is..." That's
even MORE impressive!

Step Twenty Nine: Use "73" and "88" incorrectly. Both are already
considered plural, but add a "s" to the end anyway. Say "73's" or "88's".
Who cares if it means "best regards" and "love and kisses." Better yet,
say "seventy thirds"! (By the way, seventy thirds equals about 23.3).

Morkie Step 29: What a coincidence, Morkie! "Seventy-thirds" just
about equals YOUR IQ ! ! ! Who wudda thunk it...?!?!

Step Thirty: If the repeater is off the air for service, complain about
the fact that it was off the air as soon as it's turned back on. Act as
though your entire day has been ruined because the repeater wasn't
available when you wanted to use it. Even thought you have never paid a
penny to help out with the upkeep of it.

Morkie Step 30: And do all of that from the overworn office chair
you perch in while sitting right next to the telephone and your
computer. Lord knows we don't want you to be uncomfortable.

How's that dental work, Morkie?

Doc give you yet another prescription for more narcotics?

Steve, K4YZ

wrote:
On 18 Dec 2006 11:36:42 -0800, wrote:



Just Like K4yz to refuse to face his own lies...Was Anyone Surprised?
On 18 Dec 2006 02:20:19 -0800, "K4YZ" wrote:



- Hide quoted text -
- Show quoted text -


snot-scam-and-sleaze, the "anonymous" screen name of Brain P Burke,
N0IMD:

wrote:

On 17 Dec 2006 07:19:27 -0800, "K4YZ" wrote:

wrote:

wrote:

On 14 Dec 2006 03:42:45 -0800, wrote:

wrote:

wrote:


Apparently you do NOT want anyone else to exhibit a
sense of humor in here.



I dunno. He had no problem with Robesin's "joke" about licking his
excrement off another mans genitals.



I'd suggest you re-read the original passage and get it right, but
then the Burke name is not known for truth or getting facts right.



you are proven a liar in your claim everybody think you are being mis
qutoed



What kind of sick mind thinks up something like that let alone is



Hey Brain...Why don't YOU explain to your "pal" in Michigan why
his continued insistence that his misquoting and misrepresentation of
what WAS said continues to make him look like a fool.



What Robesin posted was so repulsive that I'd rather not re-read it.
What kind of sick mind dreams up that kind of stuff, anyway?



I see you would rather fight than admit to the lack of English
comprehension skills of Morkie Moron. So now you do him an injustice
by not helping him to see what a fool he's been making of himself, but
you make a fool out of yourself in the process.




face it not everyone thinks you did not type a claim that I eat your
**** (or words to that effect

when you claimed every body you added another lie

you add lie on top of lie steve


just you lied lied and claimed my wife is male


you lied in claimed I was a rapist, that my father was rapist,that I
am child molestor, welfare fraud tax cheat high school dropp


a new today that BB lied about his understanding of your words


BTW stev I can cut and paste too I will thank you for helping me kill
the time till the densit sees me


btw the more you refuse the more new threads
http://kb9rqz.blogspot.com/


http://kb9rqz.blogspot.com/


The toad is still here?

I have a question for marky
What is
"Pob 212, PO BOX PoB212"?
A new postal address?

What does this mean?

"well IT is done aand I am starting to play first obviously on 10M but
son others bands as no doubt one of the first of no code extras rotten
time of year since there are few ve sessions round here "
You're on 10 meters already? you are going to be an extra? You are one
of the reasons most people wanted to keep cw. To keep people like you out

"KC8GXW-Jim" wrote in message
et...
wrote:
On 18 Dec 2006 11:36:42 -0800, wrote:



Just Like K4yz to refuse to face his own lies...Was Anyone Surprised? On
18 Dec 2006 02:20:19 -0800, "K4YZ" wrote: - Hide
quoted text -
- Show quoted text -


snot-scam-and-sleaze, the "anonymous" screen name of Brain P Burke,
N0IMD:
wrote:
On 17 Dec 2006 07:19:27 -0800, "K4YZ" wrote:
wrote:
wrote:
On 14 Dec 2006 03:42:45 -0800, wrote:
wrote:
wrote:


Apparently you do NOT want anyone else to exhibit a sense of
humor in here.



I dunno. He had no problem with Robesin's "joke" about licking
his excrement off another mans genitals.



I'd suggest you re-read the original passage and get it right,
but then the Burke name is not known for truth or getting facts
right.



you are proven a liar in your claim everybody think you are being
mis qutoed



What kind of sick mind thinks up something like that let alone is



Hey Brain...Why don't YOU explain to your "pal" in Michigan why
his continued insistence that his misquoting and misrepresentation of
what WAS said continues to make him look like a fool.



What Robesin posted was so repulsive that I'd rather not re-read it.
What kind of sick mind dreams up that kind of stuff, anyway?



I see you would rather fight than admit to the lack of English
comprehension skills of Morkie Moron. So now you do him an injustice by
not helping him to see what a fool he's been making of himself, but you
make a fool out of yourself in the process.




face it not everyone thinks you did not type a claim that I eat your ****
(or words to that effect when you claimed every body you added another
lie you add lie on top of lie steve just you lied lied and claimed my
wife is male you lied in claimed I was a rapist, that my father was
rapist,that I am child molestor, welfare fraud tax cheat high school
dropp a new today that BB lied about his understanding of your words BTW
stev I can cut and paste too I will thank you for helping me kill the
time till the densit sees me btw the more you refuse the more new threads
http://kb9rqz.blogspot.com/ http://kb9rqz.blogspot.com/


The toad is still here?

I have a question for marky
What is
"Pob 212, PO BOX PoB212"?
A new postal address?

What does this mean?

"well IT is done aand I am starting to play first obviously on 10M but son
others bands as no doubt one of the first of no code extras rotten time of
year since there are few ve sessions round here "
You're on 10 meters already? you are going to be an extra? You are one of
the reasons most people wanted to keep cw. To keep people like you out


Markie will get bashed off HF, much as he does here, but there are rules to
follow on HF, and he can't defeat those.

wrote::
Slow Code wrote:
The 30 Steps below will help all No-Code Hams, it will also help you to
find others just like yourself. These 30 steps should also be added to the
present writtens.


Step One: Use as many "Q" signals as possible. Yes, I know they were
invented solely for CW and are totally inappropriate for two meter FM,
but they are fun and entertaining. They keep people guessing as to what
you really meant. I.E. "I'm going to QSY to the phone." Can you really
change frequencies to the phone? QSL used to mean, "I am acknowledging
receipt", but now it appears to mean, "yes" or "OK". I guess I missed it
when the ARRL changed the meaning. It is also best to use "OK" and "QSL"
together. Redundancy is the better part of Lid-dom.

Morkie Step 1: Change the Q signals to your own meaning, then get
mad at people when they tell you that you aren't making sense at
all...Let alone using them on phone.

Step Two: Never laugh when you can say "HI HI". No one will ever know you
aren't a long time CW rag-chewer if you don't tell them. They'll think
you've been on since the days of Marconi.

Morkie Step 2: Send it as IH IH and blame dyslexia.

Step Three: Utilize an alternative vocabulary. Use words like "destinated"
and "negatory". It's OK to make up your own words here. I.E. "Yeah Tom, I
"pheelbart zaphonix" occasionally myself."

Morkie Step 3: You can just take a lot of your RRAP postings and
use them on the air. God knows there's enough of them.

Step Four: Always say "XX4XXX" (Insert your own call) "for I.D." As
mentioned in Step One, anything that creates redundancy is always
encouraged. That's why we have the Department of Redundancy Department.
(Please note that you can follow your call with "for identification
purposes" instead of "for I.D." While taking longer to say, it is worth
more "LID points".

Morkie Step 4: This won't be a BIG problem for Morkie...It's
unlikely he'll be talking to too many people other than "gavi", and
he'll be trying to avoid Morkie on the air anyway.

Step Five: The better the copy on two meter FM, the more you should use
phonetics. Names should be especially used if they are short or common
ones. I.E. "My name is Al... Alpha Lima" or "Jack.. Juliet Alpha Charlie
Kilo." If at all possible use the less common HF phonetics "A4SM...
America, Number Four, Sugar Mexico." And for maximum "LID points", make up
unintelligible phonetics. "My name is Bob... Billibong Oregano
Bumperpool."

Morkie Step 5: "Keep Banging 9 Rabid Queer Zebras"

Step Six: Always give the calls of yourself and everyone who is (or has
been) in the group, whether they are still there or not. While this has
been unnecessary for years, it is still a great memory test. You may also
use "and the group" if you are an "old timer" or just have a bad memory.
Extra points for saying everyone's call and then clearing in a silly way
"K2PKK, Chow, Chow."

Morkie Step 6: Just read down those "moonbunce" logs of yours and
pretend you are REALLY talking to them. Leave a 2 or 3 minute pause
when using the repeater and someone will just think you're hearing
someone on simplex or an overlapping repeater.

Step Seven: Whenever possible, use the wrong terminology. It keeps people
guessing. Use "modulation" when you mean "deviation", and vice-versa.

Morkie Step 7: Same thing as Morkie Steps 1 and 3.

Step Eight: If someone asks for a break, always finish your turn, taking
as long as possible before turning it over. Whenever possible, pass it
around a few times first. This will discourage the breaker, and if it is
an emergency, encourage him to switch to another repeater and not bother
you.

Morkie Step 8: Ignore this, Morkie..Go ahead and answer the call.
We all know you're incompetent in English, and by the time the poor
bloke on the other end figures out he's not going to get the message
through via you, his batteries will ahve already dropped so low he
can't be heard any longer anyway...The problem goes away.

Step Nine: Always ask involved questions of the person who is trying to
sign out. Never let him get by with just a "yes" or "no" answer. Make it a
question that will take him a long time to answer.

Morkie Step 9: Read a dictionary and learn the MEANING of "yes"
and "no".

Step Ten: The less you know on a subject, the more you should speculate
about it in the roundtable. Also the amount of time you spend on the
subject should be inversely proportionate to your knowledge of the subject
even though you have no damn clue.

Morkie Step 10: Here's a page right out of Morkie Past...Just ask
a question and then when some poor well meaning slob DOES answer you,
regardless of how correct his answer, cuss him out, call him names,
then brag to everyone how great an Amateur you are.

You can use K0HB as a reference and RRAP posters as witnesses.

Step Eleven: Always make sure you try to communicate with only a handheld
and a rubber duck antenna. Also, make sure you work through a repeater
that you can hear very well, but it cannot hear you. This will put out a
kind of "LID mating call": "Well, Joe, I can hear the repeater just fine
here. I wonder why it can't hear me?" You will score maximum LID points if
you are mobile, and with the radio lying in the passenger seat.

Morkie Step 11: Have Gavvie sitting on the mic after having beer
and tacos for dinner...They'll REALLY love you on the repeater.

Step Twelve: If you hear two amateurs start a conversation, wait until
they are twenty seconds into their contact, and then break in to make a
call, or better yet to use the auto-patch. Make sure you keep the repeater
tied up for at least three minutes. This way, once the two have
re-established contact, they won't even remember what they were talking
about.

Morkie Step 12: Make sure you call Gavvie on the autopatch to
tell him you'll be home in 2 minutes, but to give you a quick call on
the cell phone before you get there "just in case"...

Step Thirteen: You hear someone on the repeater giving directions to a
visiting amateur. Even if the directions are good, make sure you break in
with your own "alternate route but better way to get there" version. This
is most effective with several other "would-be LIDs", each giving a
different route. By the time the visiting amateur unscrambles all the
street names whizzing by in his mind, he should have moved out of the
range of the repeater. This keeps you from having to stick around to help
the guy get back out of town, later.

Morkie Step 13: And remember to read the street names just as YOU
see them, not as they are written...His Mapquest will blow up trying to
unscramble that mess...

Step Fourteen: If an annoying station is bothering you, make sure your
other "LID" buddies have a "coded" frequency list. Even though "CODES" are
strictly forbidden on Amateur Radio, it's really neat to practice "James
Bond" tactics.

Morkie Step 14: Guess this will be easy enough, since only you and
Gavvie will need to memorize them.

Step Fifteen: Always use the National Calling Frequency for general
conversations. The more uninteresting, the longer you should use it. Extra
points are awarded if you have recently move from an adjacent frequency
for no reason. Make sure when DX is "rolling" in on 52.525 that you hang
out there and talk to your friends five miles down the road about the good
old CB days!

Morkie Step 15: Remember to be "on the flat side" when they are
all on the "flip side".

Step Sixteen: Make sure that if you have a personal problem with someone,
you should voice your opinion in a public forum, especially a net. Make
sure you give their name, call, and any other identifying remarks. For
maximum points, make sure the person in question is not on the repeater,
or not available.

Morkie Step 16: In otherwords, just be your same old annoying
self.

Step Seventeen: Make sure you say the first few words of each transmission
twice, especially if it is the same thing each time. Like "roger, roger"
or "fine business, fine business". I cannot stress enough about
encouraging redundancy.

Morkie Step 17: Refer to Morkie Step 3.

Step Eighteen: If you hear a conversation on a local repeater, break in
and ask how each station is receiving you. Of course they will only see
the signal of the repeater you are using, but it's that magic moment when
you can find a fellow "LID", and get the report. Extra points are awarded
if you are using a base station, and the repeater is less than twenty-five
air miles from you.

Morkie Step 18: Tell them YOU can't give an S-meter report since
your radio only has "bars" in the display.

Step Nineteen: Use the repeater for an hour or two at a time, preventing
others from using it. Better yet, do it on a daily basis. Your quest is to
make people so sick of hearing your voice every time they turn on their
radio, they'll move to another frequency. This way you'll lighten the load
on the repeater, leaving even more time for you to talk on it.

Morkie Step 19: Remember to include topics of conversation like
your deviant bedroom behaviour, how you've been able to dodge those
pesky investigators, and how you hope the mailman doesn't take till 3
in the afternoon to get your check in on the first.

Step Twenty: See just how much flutter you can generate by operating at
handheld power levels too far away from the repeater. Engage people in
conversations when you know they wont be able to copy half of what your
saying. Even when they say your uncopyable, continue to string them along
by making further transmissions. See just how frustrated you can make the
other amateur before he finally signs off in disgust.

Morkie Step 20: Refer to Morkie Step 8 when doing this. Be just
close enough to the repeater to prevent people who can really help from
getting in, but allow you to dominate the receiver with crappy signal
strength.

Step Twenty One: Use lots of radio jargon. After all, it makes you feel
important using words ordinary people don't say. Who cares if it makes you
sound like you just fell off Channel 19 on the citizen's Band? Use phrases
such as "Roger on that", "10-4", "I'm on the side", "Your making the trip"
and "Negatory on that".

Morkie Step 21: This will be a breeze. You've had several
sockpuppet QSO's on RRAP in CB jargon that you can just quote from some
of your postings...We'll all be impressed! Especially if you can read
your own "writing".....

Step Twenty Two: Use excessive microphone gain. See just how loud you can
make your audio. Make sure the audio gain is so high that other amateurs
can hear any bugs crawling on your floor. If mobile, make sure the wind
noise is loud enough that others have to strain to pick your words out
from all the racket.

Morkie Step 22: And remember to crank up the lean-yaar too.
Between the two, you'll trash repeaters for 100 kHz above and below
you.

Step Twenty Three: Start every transmission with the word "Roger" or
"QSL". Sure, you don't need to acknowledge that you received the other
transmission in full. After all, you would simply ask for a repeat if you
missed something. But consider it your gift to the other amateur to give
him solace every few seconds that his transmissions are being received.

Morkie Step 23: Ignore this one too, Morkie. You have already
demonstrated that you don't comprehend English very well, so we'd all
know you were probably lying anyway.

Step Twenty Four: When looking for a contact on a repeater, always say
your "listening" or "monitoring" multiple times. I've always found that at
least a half dozen times or so is good. Repeating your multiple
"listening" ID's every 10 to 15 seconds is even better. Those people who
didn't want to talk to you will eventually call you, hoping you'll go away
after you have finally made a contact.

Morkie Step 24: This probably won't work for Gavvie since he
knows you'll be home sooner or later anyway...You can always tell him
you never heard him, but since you've already admitted to being a
chronic liar he's probably going to nail you with his rolling pin
anyway.

Step Twenty Five: Always use a repeater, even if you can work the other
station easily on simplex ... especially if you can make the contact on
simplex. The coverage of the repeater you use should be inversely
proportional to your distance from the other station.

Morkie Step 25: Refer to Morkie Step 12. Same theory.

Step Twenty Six: When on repeaters using courtesy tones, you should always
say "over". Courtesy tones are designed to let everyone know when you have
unkeyed but don't let that stop you. Say "over", "back to you" or "go
ahead". It serves no useful purpose but don't worry, it's still fun!

Morkie Step 26: Don't forget "Roger, WILCO, Over and Out".

Step Twenty Seven: Use the repeater's autopatch for frivolous routine
calls... especially during morning or evening commute times. While pulling
into the neighborhood, call home to let them know you'll be there in two
minutes.... or, call your spouse to complain about the bad day you had at
work. After all, the club has "measured rate" service on their phone line
so they get charged for each autopatch call. Your endeavor is to make so
many patches in a year that you cost the club at least $20 in phone bills.
That way you'll feel you got your money's worth for your dues!

Morkie Step 27: Of course you will have used your "disabled"
membership option, ergo you won't need to make nearly as many
autopatches to get to that dollar amount, but go right on ahead and
keep making them. Someone with a real job will be able to pitch in to
the club coffers and make up the difference.

Step Twenty Eight: Never say "My name is ....." It makes you sound human.
If at all possible, use one of the following phrases: a) "The personal
here is ..." b) "The handle here is..."

Morkie Step 28: Don't forget "The first personal is..." That's
even MORE impressive!

Step Twenty Nine: Use "73" and "88" incorrectly. Both are already
considered plural, but add a "s" to the end anyway. Say "73's" or "88's".
Who cares if it means "best regards" and "love and kisses." Better yet,
say "seventy thirds"! (By the way, seventy thirds equals about 23.3).

Morkie Step 29: What a coincidence, Morkie! "Seventy-thirds" just
about equals YOUR IQ ! ! ! Who wudda thunk it...?!?!

Step Thirty: If the repeater is off the air for service, complain about
the fact that it was off the air as soon as it's turned back on. Act as
though your entire day has been ruined because the repeater wasn't
available when you wanted to use it. Even thought you have never paid a
penny to help out with the upkeep of it.

Morkie Step 30: And do all of that from the overworn office chair
you perch in while sitting right next to the telephone and your
computer. Lord knows we don't want you to be uncomfortable.

How's that dental work, Morkie?

Doc give you yet another prescription for more narcotics?

Steve, K4YZ

wrote:

tell me do you realy only work 2 days in 7?

Sometimes. Especially when I have to use up my non-rollover
holiday days or lose them before the end of the year.

Unlike you, however, I had to earn those paid days off. You just
collect the check from the state every month. That's how you got so
fat. I'm on my feet all night.

Steve, K4YZ