I must admit, I did do a nice job of satirizing the AKC membership, did I
not? Yes, I wrote it. I admit it. BFD!

Original text, messups and all:

The whole story, up to now.. (Knock at the door) Aaron opens door wearing
his skimpiest thong underwear Aaron: Hi Sparky! How are you! Sparky: I'm
good Aaron. Is dinner ready? Aaron: Almost. In the meantime, you can snack
on me, but we need to hurrybefore George gets here. Sparkyscreaming)
Aaron! Will you shut up with the advances! I already toldyou I've started to
like women now! Now leave me alone! Aaron: OK, OK! I just thought we could
be like the old days again. Sparky: No, I'm really going to stick it out
this time. Aaron: (sniffling) Ok Sparky, have it your way. I'll respect
your wishes. Sparky: Where's George? Do we have to wait for him to eat?
Aaron: Yes, he's bringing the salad. Sparky: OK. Got any snacks? Aaron: I
think so, let me check. (knock at the door)Aaron answers the door.
Aaronexclaiming) George! My God! What happened to you? Georgecrying) I
was just out minding my own business, following this littlegirl, and all the
sudden, wham! Her Dad must have seen me and punched me. I hadjust asked if
she wanted some candy too. I think I could have had her. Then theDad pulled
out of the window of my Pacer, and beat me some more. I think hedislocated
my shoulder too. Sparky: Can we eat now? Aaron: Sparky, can't you see
George is hurt? Go get one of the steaks forGeorge's black eyes. And while
you're in the kitchen Sparky, get some ice forhis broken nose and busted lip
too. Sparky: OK, but I ain't eating the steak that you use on George's
eyes! Aaron: OK, whatever! (Sparky spends fully 5 minutes trying to figure
out which steak is thesmallest, so he can have the biggest.then finally he
returns) Aaron: God Sparky! Why did you take a bite out of it? It's raw, for
Christ'ssake! Sparkyunintelligible mumbling caused by mouthful of raw
steak) Aarongrabs steak from Sparky and applies it to George's eyes) There
nowGeorge. Is that better? Aaron knows how to make you feel better, doesn't
he? George: Yes Aaron, it's much better now. Thanks, you know I bruise
easily. Aaron: Hey Sparky, light the grill. Sparky: Hey, those steaks
ain't half bad raw! Do we really need to cook them? Aaron: My God Sparky!
Sometimes you act like a Neanderthal! Light the damngrill! (Sparky goes out
back, turns on the gas, clicks the igniter repeatedly, nothinghappens. Goes
back inside for matches and returns) Aaronjust as Sparky lights the match)
NO! STOP! (loud explosion) Sparky: (screaming) I'm on fire! Somebody help
me! (Sparky runs back through the house with his beard on fire, screaming
for help.Aaron and George race behind him with teacups filled with water) To
Be Continued Finally, Aaron and George manage to catch Sparky and beat
out the fire inSparky's beard with the teacups. Sparky: Thanks guys! That
was close! I saw my life flash before my eyes. Aaron: No prob Sparky. You
know we love you. George: Speak for yourself, Aaron! Faggot! Sparky: Can we
eat now? George: Well, we could if you hadn't blown up the grill! Aaron:
It's OK Sparky. We'll just grill the steaks on the stove. Sparky: I don't
wanna wait! I'm getting dizzy. My cholesterol must have droppedbelow 300.
George: Here, drink this. Sparky: What is it? George: Bacon drippings. It
will bring the cholesterol level back up in yourblood. Sparkydrinks
greedily) Burp! Thanks George. George: No problem. Hey Aaron, you still
have that "Little Girls Gone Wild"video? Aaron: I think so.check over there
in the gay porn by the VCR. George: Faggot! (looks for the tape) Sparky:
I'm hungry! Let's eat. Aaron: Just hang on a minute. Let me get these damn
steaks cooked. (throws thesteaks in the pan) George: (tearing his eyes off
the video) Sparky, get the salad and dressingready, will ya? I'm busy now.
Sparky: OK, George. (Sparky sets the table) Aaron: How do you guys like your
steaks? Sparky: Raw is fine with me. George: (rubbing his crotch while
watching the little girl video) I don't care.Yeah, raw is fine with me too.
Aaron: (mumbles) Damn weirdo's. Aaron: (grease splatters on Aaron's hairless
chest) Ouch! George: Aaron, do you mind if I take this video home with me?
Aaron: Sure, take it. You know I don't like females. George: (under his
breath) Faggot! Sparky: Can we eat now? Aaron: Yep! Steaks are done. (Aaron
places them on the table) Sparky: I'm first George! That's my steak!
George: Whatever Sparky! Hell, I'm just gonna leave now. (grabs the video
andheads for the door) Aaron: Where you going, George? George: Um.uh.I'm
not really hungry now. I think I'll just watch this tapeat home. Sparky:
Good! Gimme his steak. Aaron: OK George, see ya later. George: Bye To be
continued.. Scene: Much later in the evening after George has gone home to
watch his kiddyporn, we return to find Aaron and Sparky enmeshed in each
other's arms. Aaron: Sparky, I knew you would come around. Sparky: Well
Aaron, I kind of feel guilty.almost as if I'm slipping back intomy old self.
I've really tried to kick this man habit, but I can't seem to stophaving
feelings for you. Aaron: Well Sparky, I always knew we were meant for each
other. Sparky: I only ask one thing of you, Aaron. Aaron: What might that
be, Sparky? Sparky: All I ask is that you don't breath a word of this
encounter to George. Aaron: Fair enough. I know he's a bit of a bigot.
Sparky: Yes he is, but he's still my only real friend. You know, I can't
countthe times that he's tried to save me when I've gotten in over my head
on thenewsgroup. Aaron: I know Sparky, and he's done the same for me. I
really love him, but Ican't let him know that. Sparky: So, we're sworn to
secrecy, right Aaron? Aaron: Absolutely! Remember, we did take the AKC
pledge. Sparkychuckles quietly) Sparky: (tentatively) OK Aaron, I'm all
yours. Scene: Fade to black.