Ray Deo wrote:

Are these just as funny?

Snip

Nope, but this one is:


An Amish farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking from
his pond, with his hand. The Amish man shouts: "Don't drink the
water, the cows have **** in it." The man shouts back: "I'm a Canadian,
can I use two hands?"


Now that *IS* funny.

We're all just so darned self effacing....darn..I'm bragging, aren't I?
Sorry.





mike

On Jan 14, 5:10*pm, Ray Deo wrote:
m II wrote innews:ekAij.4657$yQ1.14@edtnps89:

Burr wrote:

The Amish Farmer:

An Amish farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking from
his pond, with his hand. * The Amish man shouts: "Trink das wasser
nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen." Which means: "Don't drink the
water, the cows have **** in it." The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I
don't understand. Please speak in English." The Amish man says: "Use
two hands. *You'll get more."

Are these just as funny?
Snip
-
- Nope, but this one is:
-
- An Amish farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking
- from his pond, with his hand. * The Amish man shouts: "Don't drink
- the water, the cows have **** in it." The man shouts back:
- "I'm a Canadian, can I use two hands?"
-
- Ray Deo
-

Ray Deo - Here is a re-write :

An Amish Farmer walking through his Field, notices a Man Drinking
from his Pond, with one Hand.

The Amish Farmer shouts in plain English :
"Brother Don't Drink the Water, the Cows have **** in It.

The Man shouts back : "I'm a Canadian,

The Amish Farmer replies : "Holly Cow ! - "In that case Brother
Wade Right In and I Will Baptize You !"

~ RHF

On Jan 14, 6:01*pm, m II wrote:
Ray Deo wrote:
Are these just as funny?

Snip

Nope, but this one is:

An Amish farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking from
his pond, with his hand. * The Amish man shouts: "Don't drink the
water, the cows have **** in it." The man shouts back: "I'm a Canadian,
can I use two hands?"

Now that *IS* funny.
-
- We're all just so darned self effacing....
- darn..I'm bragging, aren't I?
- Sorry.
-
- mike

Mike - I Think that No one Reading your Posts
here would say . . . that YOU are Self-Effacing.

Simply Natural Canadian : Yes. / Self-Effacing : Never.

Canadian Town has the Tastiest Tap Water in World
http://www.cbc.ca/canada/story/2001/...ter010225.html
Simply Natural Canadian Spring Water of Dorion, Ontario,
was Awarded the Best Un-Carbonated Bottled Water,
beating three dozen competitors.

Self-Effacing People are Secretly Confident
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19229822/
Despite Appearances, Most People Think Highly of Themselves

humbly and in all modesty - tic ~ RHF

y'all are ''crazy''.I am the only sane one in this camp.Decision Before
Dawn movie is on Radio tb now.I check the Ovation channel and the IFC
channel once in a while.Sometimes they run some purty good programs on
there.
cuhulin

On Jan 13, 9:54 pm, "Burr" wrote:
The Amish Farmer:

An Amish farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking from his
pond, with his hand. The Amish man shouts: "Trink das wasser nicht. Die
kuhen haben dahin gesheissen." Which means: "Don't drink the water, the cows
have **** in it." The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand.
Please speak in English." The Amish man says: "Use two hands. You'll get
more."

Burr


2007 Darwin Awards

Yes, it's again that magical time of the year when the Darwin Awards
are
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

Here is the glorious Winner:

1. When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended
victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach, California , would-be robber James
Elliot
did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel
and
tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the Honorable Mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting
machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company
expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for or
himself.
He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was
approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had
taken the
space...understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from
Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence,
the
driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a
free
ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling
the
staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre
fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious
head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received
the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how
close he
could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6 A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and
asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man
pulled a
gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly
provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the
$20
bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer:
$15.
(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime
committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd
just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze,
and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at
the
window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on
the
head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of
Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed
her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was
able
to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes,
the
police apprehended the purse snatcher. They put him in the car and
drove
back to the store . The thief was then taken out of the car and told
to
stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, 'Yes, officer,
that's
her. That's the lady I stole the purse from.'

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger
King in Ypsilanti , Michigan , at 5 a.m , flashed a gun, and demanded
cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
register
without a food order When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said
they
weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

10. Siphoning gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street,
he got
much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a
very
sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police
spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and
plugged
his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The
owner of
the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best
laugh
he'd ever had.

On Jan 15, 12:23*pm, harvey wrote:
On Jan 13, 9:54 pm, "Burr" wrote:

The Amish Farmer:

An Amish farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking from his
pond, with his hand. * The Amish man shouts: "Trink das wasser nicht. Die
kuhen haben dahin gesheissen." Which means: "Don't drink the water, the cows
have **** in it." The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand..
Please speak in English." The Amish man says: "Use two hands. *You'll get
more."

Burr

2007 Darwin Awards

Yes, it's again that magical time of the year when the Darwin Awards
are
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

Here is the glorious Winner:

1. When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended
victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach, California , would-be robber James
Elliot
did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel
and
tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the Honorable Mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting
machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company
expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for or
himself.
He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was
approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had
taken the
space...understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from
Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence,
the
driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a
free
ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling
the
staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre
fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious
head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received
the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how
close he
could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6 A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and
asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man
pulled a
gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly
provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the
$20
bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer:
$15.
(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime
committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd
just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze,
and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at
the
window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on
the
head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of
Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed
her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was
able
to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes,
the
police apprehended the purse snatcher. They put him in the car and
drove
back to the store . The thief was then taken out of the car and told
to
stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, 'Yes, officer,
that's
her. That's the lady I stole the purse from.'

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger
King in Ypsilanti , Michigan , at 5 a.m , flashed a gun, and demanded
cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
register
without a food order When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said
they
weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

10. Siphoning gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street,
he got
much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a
very
sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police
spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and
plugged
his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The
owner of
the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best
laugh
he'd ever had.

Restores My Faith in Humanity
and Proves Once Again God Is . . .
a Practical Joker ! ) ~ RHF

Mike

The Jewish one is not funny because the Jew would understand the Amish
person's perfect Yiddish, and besides, I am Jewish.
However, the Italian and the Polish jokes are absolutely funny.
(irony intended)

Joe

have **** in it." The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand.
Are these just as funny?
water, the cows have **** in it." The man shouts back: "I'm Jewish , I
water, the cows have **** in it." The man shouts back: "I'm Italian, I
water, the cows have **** in it." The man shouts back: "I'm Polish, I